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SHREK Written by Ted Elliott Terry Rossio Joe Stillman Roger S.H. Schulman Based on the book by William Steig SHREK Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but non prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true love's first kiss. (laughs) Like that's ever gonna happen. What a load of - (toilet flush) Allstar - by Smashmouth begins to play. Shrek goes about his day. While in a nearby town, the villagers get together to go after the ogre. NIGHT - NEAR SHREK'S HOME MAN1 Think it's in there? MAN2 All right. Let's get it! MAN1 Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you? MAN3 Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's bread. Shrek sneaks up behind them and laughs. SHREK Yes, well, actually, that would be a giant. Now, ogres, oh they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin. MEN No! SHREK They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast. MAN1 Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya! (waves the torch at Shrek.) Shrek calmly licks his fingers and extinguishes the torch. The men shrink back away from him. Shrek roars very loudly and long and his breath extinguishes all the remaining torches until the men are in the dark. SHREK This is the part where you run away. (The men scramble to get away. He laughs.) And stay out! (looks down and picks up a piece of paper. Reads.) "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures."(He sighs and throws the paper over his shoulder.) THE NEXT DAY There is a line of fairy tale creatures. The head of the guard sits at a table paying people for bringing the fairy tale creatures to him. There are cages all around. Some of the people in line are Peter Pan, who is carrying Tinkerbell in a cage, Gipetto who's carrying Pinocchio, and a farmer who is carrying the three little pigs. GUARD All right. This one's full. Take it away! Move it along. Come on! Get up! HEAD GUARD Next! GUARD (taking the witch's broom) Give me that! Your flying days are over. (breaks the broom in half) HEAD GUARD That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next! GUARD Get up! Come on! HEAD GUARD Twenty pieces. 2. LITTLE BEAR (crying) This cage is too small. DONKEY Please, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please! Give me another chance! OLD WOMAN Oh, shut up. (jerks his rope) DONKEY Oh! HEAD GUARD Next! What have you got? GIPETTO This little wooden puppet. PINOCCHIO I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy. (his nose grows) HEAD GUARD Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away. PINOCCHIO Father, please! Don't let them do this! Help me! Gipetto takes the money and walks off. The old woman steps up to the table. HEAD GUARD Next! What have you got? OLD WOMAN Well, I've got a talking donkey. HEAD GUARD Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it. OLD WOMAN Oh, go ahead, little fella. Donkey just looks up at her. HEAD GUARD Well? 3

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OLD WOMAN Oh, oh, he's just...he's just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt... HEAD GUARD That's it. I've heard enough. Guards! OLD WOMAN No, no, he talks! He does. (pretends to be Donkey) I can talk. I love to talk. I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw. HEAD GUARD Get her out of my sight. OLD WOMAN No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk! The guards grab the old woman and she struggles with them. One of her legs flies out and kicks Tinkerbell out of Peter Pan's hands, and her cage drops on Donkey's head. He gets sprinkled with fairy dust and he's able to fly. DONKEY Hey! I can fly! PETER PAN He can fly! LITTLE PIGS He can fly! HEAD GUARD He can talk! DONKEY Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey. You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha! (the pixie dust begins to wear off) Uh- oh. (he begins to sink to the ground.) He hits the ground with a thud. HEAD GUARD Seize him! (Donkey takes of running.) After him! 4. GUARDS He's getting away! Get him! This way! Turn! Donkey keeps running and he eventually runs into Shrek. Literally. Shrek turns around to see who bumped into him. Donkey looks scared for a moment then he spots the guards coming up the path. He quickly hides behind Shrek. HEAD GUARD You there. Ogre! SHREK Aye? HEAD GUARD By the order of Lord Farquaad I am authorized to place you both under arrest and transport you to a designated resettlement facility. SHREK Oh, really? You and what army? He looks behind the guard and the guard turns to look as well and we see that the other men have run off. The guard tucks tail and runs off. Shrek laughs and goes back about his business and begins walking back to his cottage. DONKEY Can I say something to you? Listen, you was really, really, really somethin' back here. Incredible! SHREK Are you talkin' to...(he turns around and Donkey is gone) me? (he turns back around and Donkey is right in front of him.) Whoa! DONKEY Yes. I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you that you was great back here? Those guards! They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, and bam! They was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that. SHREK Oh, that's great. Really. 5. DONKEY Man, it's good to be free. SHREK Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm? DONKEY But, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. You're mean, green, fightin' machine. Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us. Shrek turns and regards Donkey for a moment before roaring very loudly. DONKEY (CONT’D) Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you don't mind me sayin', if that don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done, 'cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause you breath stinks! You almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time...(Shrek covers his mouth but Donkey continues to talk, so Shrek removes his hand.) ...then I ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases leaking out of my butt that day. SHREK Why are you following me? DONKEY I'll tell you why. (singing) 'Cause I'm all alone, There's no one here beside me, My problems have all gone, There's no one to deride me, But you gotta have faith... SHREK Stop singing! It's no wonder you don't have any friends. DONKEY Wow. Only a true friend would be that cruelly honest. 6. SHREK Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me. What am I? DONKEY (looks all the way up at Shrek) Uh ...really tall? SHREK No! I'm an ogre! You know. "Grab your torch and pitchforks." Doesn't that bother you? DONKEY Nope. SHREK Really? DONKEY Really, really. SHREK Oh. DONKEY Man, I like you. What's you name? SHREK Uh, Shrek. DONKEY Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek? You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobodythinks-of-me thing. I like that. I respect that, Shrek. You all right. (They come over a hill and you can see Shrek's cottage.) Whoa! Look at that. Who'd want to live in place like that? SHREK That would be my home. DONKEY Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You know you are quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder. I guess you don't entertain much, do you? 7. SHREK I like my privacy. DONKEY You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. Like I hate it when you got somebody in your face. You've trying to give them a hint, and they won't leave. There's that awkward silence. (awkward silence) Can I stay with you? SHREK Uh, what? DONKEY Can I stay with you, please? SHREK (sarcastically) Of course! DONKEY Really? SHREK No. DONKEY Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak. (pause while he looks at Shrek) Well, maybe you do. But that's why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay! Please! Please! SHREK Okay! Okay! But one night only. DONKEY Ah! Thank you! (he runs inside the cottage) SHREK What are you...? (Donkey hops up onto a chair.) No! No! DONKEY This is gonna be fun! We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories, and in the mornin' I'm makin' waffles. 8. SHREK Oh! DONKEY Where do, uh, I sleep? SHREK (irritated) Outside! DONKEY Oh, well, I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you, and you don't know me, so I guess outside is best, you know. Here I go. Good night. (Shrek slams the door.) (sigh) I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside. I'll just be sitting by myself outside, I guess, you know. By myself, outside. I'm all alone...there's no one here beside me... SHREK'S COTTAGE - NIGHT Shrek is getting ready for dinner. He sits himself down and lights a candle made out of earwax. He begins to eat when he hears a noise. He stands up with a huff. SHREK (to Donkey) I thought I told you to stay outside. DONKEY (from the window) I am outside. There is another noise and Shrek turns to find the person that made the noise. He sees several shadows moving. He finally turns and spots 3 blind mice on his table. BLIND MOUSE1 Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we have? BLIND MOUSE2 It's not home, but it'll do just fine. GORDO (bouncing on a slug) What a lovely bed. 9. SHREK Got ya. (Grabs a mouse, but it escapes and lands on his shoulder.) GORDO I found some cheese. (bites Shrek's ear) SHREK Ow! GORDO Blah! Awful stuff. BLIND MOUSE1 Is that you, Gordo? GORDO How did you know? SHREK Enough! (he grabs the 3 mice) What are you doing in my house? (He gets bumped from behind and he drops the mice.) Hey! (he turns and sees the Seven Dwarves with Snow White on the table.) Oh, no, no, no. Dead broad off the table. DWARF Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken. SHREK Huh? Shrek marches over to the bedroom and throws back the curtain. The Big Bad Wolf is sitting in the bed. The wolf just looks at him. BIG BAD WOLF What? TIME LAPSE Shrek now has the Big Bad Wolf by the collar and is dragging him to the front door. SHREK I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying ogre! What do I have to do get a little privacy? (MORE) 10. (He opens the front door to throw the Wolf out and he sees that all the collected Fairy Tale Creatures are on his land.) Oh, no. No! No! The 3 bears sit around the fire, the pied piper is playing his pipe and the rats are all running to him, some elves are directing flight traffic so that the fairies and witches can land...etc. SHREK (CONT’D) What are you doing in my swamp? (this echoes and everyone falls silent.) Gasps are heard all around. The 3 good fairies hide inside a tent. SHREK (CONT’D) All right, get out of here. All of you, move it! Come on! Let's go! Hapaya! Hapaya! Hey! Quickly. Come on! (more dwarves run inside the house) No, no! No, no. Not there. Not there. (they shut the door on him) Oh! (turns to look at Donkey) DONKEY Hey, don't look at me. I didn't invite them. PINOCCHIO Oh, gosh, no one invited us. SHREK What? PINOCCHIO We were forced to come here. SHREK (flabbergasted) By who? LITTLE PIG Lord Farquaad. He huffed and he puffed and he...signed an eviction notice. SHREK (heavy sigh) All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is? Everyone looks around at each other but no one answers. SHREK (CONT'D) 11. DONKEY Oh, I do. I know where he is. SHREK Does anyone else know where to find him? Anyone at all? DONKEY Me! Me! SHREK Anyone? DONKEY Oh! Oh, pick me! Oh, I know! I know! Me, me! SHREK (sigh) Okay, fine. Attention, all fairy tale things. Do not get comfortable. Your welcome is officially worn out. In fact, I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad right now and get you all off my land and back where you came from! (Pause. Then the crowd goes wild.) Oh! (to Donkey) You! You're comin' with me. DONKEY All right, that's what I like to hear, man. Shrek and Donkey, two stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind big-city adventure. I love it! DONKEY (CONT’D) (singing) On the road again. Sing it with me, Shrek. I can't wait to get on the road again. SHREK What did I say about singing? DONKEY Can I whistle? SHREK No. DONKEY Can I hum it? SHREK All right, hum it. 12. Donkey begins to hum 'On the Road Again'. DULOC - KITCHEN A masked man is torturing the Gingerbread Man. He's continually dunking him in a glass of milk. Lord Farquaad walks in. FARQUAAD That's enough. He's ready to talk. The Gingerbread Man is pulled out of the milk and slammed down onto a cookie sheet. Farquaad laughs as he walks over to the table. However when he reaches the table we see that it goes up to his eyes. He clears his throat and the table is lowered. FARQUAAD (CONT’D) (he picks up the Gingerbread Man's legs and plays with them) Run, run, run, as fast as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the gingerbread man. GINGERBREAD MAN You are a monster. FARQUAAD I'm not the monster here. You are. You and the rest of that fairy tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now, tell me! Where are the others? GINGERBREAD MAN Eat me! (He spits milk into Farquaad's eye.) FARQUAAD I've tried to be fair to you creatures. Now my patience has reached its end! Tell me or I'll...(he makes as if to pull off the Gingerbread Man's buttons) GINGERBREAD MAN No, no, not the buttons. Not my gumdrop buttons. FARQUAAD All right then. Who's hiding them? 13. GINGERBREAD MAN Okay, I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man? FARQUAAD The muffin man? GINGERBREAD MAN The muffin man. FARQUAAD Yes, I know the muffin man, who lives on Drury Lane? GINGERBREAD MAN Well, she's married to the muffin man. FARQUAAD The muffin man? GINGERBREAD MAN The muffin man! FARQUAAD She's married to the muffin man. The door opens and the Head Guard walks in. HEAD GUARD My lord! We found it. FARQUAAD Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in. More guards enter carrying something that is covered by a sheet. They hang up whatever it is and remove the sheet. It is the Magic Mirror. GINGERBREAD MAN (in awe) Ohhhh... FARQUAAD Magic mirror... GINGERBREAD MAN Don't tell him anything! (Farquaad picks him up and dumps him into a trash can with a lid.) No! 14. FARQUAAD Evening. Mirror, mirror on the wall. Is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all? MIRROR Well, technically you're not a king. FARQUAAD Uh, Thelonius. (Thelonius holds up a hand mirror and smashes it with his fist.) You were saying? MIRROR What I mean is you're not a king yet. But you can become one. All you have to do is marry a princess. FARQUAAD Go on. MIRROR (chuckles nervously) So, just sit back and relax, my lord, because it's time for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes. And here they are! Bachelorette number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away. She likes sushi and hot tubbing anytime. Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for her two evil sisters. Please welcome Cinderella. (shows picture of Cinderella) Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the land of fancy. Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy. Just kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is. Come on. Give it up for Snow White! (shows picture of Snow White) And last, but certainly not last, bachelorette number three is a fiery redhead from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling lava! But don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who likes pina colads and getting caught in the rain. Yours for the rescuing, Princess Fiona! (MORE) 15. (Shows picture of Princess Fiona) So will it be bachelorette number one, bachelorette number two or bachelorette number three? GUARDS Two! Two! Three! Three! Two! Two! Three! FARQUAAD Three? One? Three? THELONIUS Three! (holds up 2 fingers) Pick number three, my lord! FARQUAAD Okay, okay, uh, number three! MIRROR Lord Farquaad, you've chosen Princess Fiona. FARQUAAD Princess Fiona. She's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone who can go... MIRROR But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night. FARQUAAD I'll do it. MIRROR Yes, but after sunset... FARQUAAD Silence! I will make this Princess Fiona my queen, and DuLoc will finally have the perfect king! Captain, assemble your finest men. We're going to have a tournament. (smiles evilly) DuLoc Parking Lot - Lancelot Section Shrek and Donkey come out of the field that is right by the parking lot. The castle itself is about 40 stories high. MIRROR (CONT'D) 16. DONKEY But that's it. That's it right there. That's DuLoc. I told ya I'd find it. SHREK So, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle. DONKEY Uh-huh. That's the place. SHREK Do you think maybe he's compensating for something? (He laughs, but then groans as Donkey doesn't get the joke. He continues walking through the parking lot.) DONKEY Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek. MAN Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry. SHREK Hey, you! (The attendant, who is wearing a giant head that looks like Lord Farquaad, screams and begins running through the rows of rope to get to the front gate to get away from Shrek.) Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat you. I just - - I just - - (He sighs and then begins walking straight through the rows. The attendant runs into a wall and falls down. Shrek and Donkey look at him then continue on into DuLoc.) DULOC They look around but all is quiet. SHREK It's quiet. Too quiet. Where is everybody? DONKEY Hey, look at this! Donkey runs over and pulls a lever that is attached to a box marked 'Information'. 17. The music winds up and then the box doors open up. There are little wooden people inside and they begin to sing. WOODEN PEOPLE Welcome to DuLoc such a perfect town Here we have some rules Let us lay them down Don't make waves, stay in line And we'll get along fine DuLoc is perfect place Please keep off of the grass Shine your shoes, wipe your... face DuLoc is, DuLoc is DuLoc is perfect place. Suddenly a camera takes Donkey and Shrek's picture. DONKEY Wow! Let's do that again! (makes ready to run over and pull the lever again) SHREK (grabs Donkey's tail and holds him still) No. No. No, no, no! No. They hear a trumpet fanfare and head over to the arena. FARQUAAD Brave knights. You are the best and brightest in all the land. Today one of you shall prove himself... As Shrek and Donkey walk down the tunnel to get into the arena Donkey is humming the DuLoc theme song. SHREK All right. You're going the right way for a smacked bottom. DONKEY Sorry about that. 18. FARQUAAD That champion shall have the honor - - no, no - - the privilege to go forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona from the fiery keep of the dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first runner-up will take his place and so on and so forth. Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make. (cheers) Let the tournament begin! (He notices Shrek) Oh! What is that? It's hideous! SHREK (turns to look at Donkey and then back at Farquaad) Ah, that's not very nice. It's just a donkey. FARQUAAD Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who kills the ogre will be named champion! Have it him! MEN Get him! SHREK Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now. (bumps into a table where there are mugs of beer) CROWD Go ahead! Get him! SHREK (holds up a mug of beer) Can't we just settle this over a pint? CROWD Kill the beast! SHREK No? All right then. (drinks the beer) Come on! He takes the mug and smashes the spigot off the large barrel of beer behind him. The beer comes rushing out drenching the other men and wetting the ground. It's like mud now. Shrek slides past the men and picks up a spear that one of the men dropped. 19. As Shrek begins to fight Donkey hops up onto one of the larger beer barrels. It breaks free of it's ropes and begins to roll. Donkey manages to squish two men into the mud. There is so much fighting going on here I'm not going to go into detail. Suffice to say that Shrek kicks butt. DONKEY Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me! Shrek comes over and bangs a man's head up against Donkeys. Shrek gets up on the ropes and interacts with the crowd. SHREK Yeah! A man tries to sneak up behind Shrek, but Shrek turns in time and sees him. WOMAN The chair! Give him the chair! Shrek smashes a chair over the guys back. Finally all the men are down. Donkey kicks one of them in the helmet, and the ding sounds the end of the match. The audience goes wild. SHREK Oh, yeah! Ah! Ah! Thank you! Thank you very much! I'm here till Thursday. Try the veal! Ha, ha! (laughs) The laughter stops as all of the guards turn their weapons on Shrek. HEAD GUARD Shall I give the order, sir? FARQUAAD No, I have a better idea. People of DuLoc, I give you our champion! SHREK What? FARQUAAD Congratulations, ogre. You're won the honor of embarking on a great and noble quest. SHREK Quest? I'm already in a quest, a quest to get my swamp back. 20. FARQUAAD Your swamp? SHREK Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those fairy tale creatures! FARQUAAD Indeed. All right, ogre. I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for me, and I'll give you your swamp back. SHREK Exactly the way it was? FARQUAAD Down to the last slime-covered toadstool. SHREK And the squatters? FARQUAAD As good as gone. SHREK What kind of quest? Time Lapse - Donkey and Shrek are now walking through the field heading away from DuLoc. Shrek is munching on an onion. DONKEY Let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp which you only don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place. Is that about right? SHREK You know, maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk. DONKEY I don't get it. Why don't you just pull some of that ogre stuff on him? Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grinds his bones to make your bread, the whole ogre trip. 21. SHREK Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village and put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you? DONKEY Uh, no, not really, no. SHREK For your information, there's a lot more to ogres than people think. DONKEY Example? SHREK Example? Okay, um, ogres are like onions. (he holds out his onion) DONKEY (sniffs the onion) They stink? SHREK Yes - - No! DONKEY They make you cry? SHREK No! DONKEY You leave them in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little white hairs. SHREK No! Layers! Onions have layers. Ogres have layers! Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers. (he heaves a sigh and then walks off) DONKEY (trailing after Shrek) Oh, you both have layers. Oh. {Sniffs} You know, not everybody likes onions. Cake! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers. 22. SHREK I don't care... what everyone likes. Ogres are not like cakes. DONKEY You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "Hell no, I don't like no parfait"? Parfaits are delicious. SHREK No! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Ogres are like onions! And of story. Bye- bye. See ya later. DONKEY Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet. SHREK You know, I think I preferred your humming. DONKEY Do you have a tissue or something? I'm making a mess. Just the word parfait make me start slobbering. They head off. There is a montage of their journey. Walking through a field at sunset. Sleeping beneath a bright moon. Shrek trying to put the campfire out the next day and having a bit of a problem, so Donkey pees on the fire to put it out. DRAGON'S KEEP Shrek and Donkey are walking up to the keep that's supposed to house Princess Fiona. It appears to look like a giant volcano. DONKEY (sniffs) Ohh! Shrek! Did you do that? You gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was open and everything. SHREK Believe me, Donkey, if it was me, you'd be dead. (sniffs) It's brimstone. We must be getting close. 23. DONKEY Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talking about it's the brimstone. I know what I smell. It wasn't no brimstone. It didn't come off no stone neither. They climb up the side of the volcano/keep and look down. There is a small piece of rock right in the center and that is where the castle is. It is surrounded by boiling lava. It looks very foreboding. SHREK Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location. (laughs...then the laugh turns into a groan) DONKEY Uh, Shrek? Uh, remember when you said ogres have layers? SHREK Oh, aye. DONKEY Well, I have a bit of a confession to make. Donkeys don't have layers. We wear our fear right out there on our sleeves. SHREK Wait a second. Donkeys don't have sleeves. DONKEY You know what I mean. SHREK You can't tell me you're afraid of heights. DONKEY No, I'm just a little uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge over a boiling like of lava! SHREK Come on, Donkey. I'm right here beside ya, okay? For emotional support., we'll just tackle this thing together one little baby step at a time. 24. DONKEY Really? SHREK Really, really. DONKEY Okay, that makes me feel so much better. SHREK Just keep moving. And don't look down. DONKEY Okay, don't look down. Don't look down. Don't look down. Keep on moving. Don't look down. (he steps through a rotting board and ends up looking straight down into the lava) Shrek! I'm lookin' down! Oh, God, I can't do this! Just let me off, please! SHREK But you're already halfway. DONKEY But I know that half is safe! SHREK Okay, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back. DONKEY Shrek, no! Wait! SHREK Just, Donkey - - Let's have a dance then, shall me? (bounces and sways the bridge) DONKEY Don't do that! SHREK Oh, I'm sorry. Do what? Oh, this? (bounces the bridge again) DONKEY Yes, that! 25. SHREK Yes? Yes, do it. Okay. (continues to bounce and sway as he backs Donkey across the bridge) DONKEY No, Shrek! No! Stop it! SHREK You said do it! I'm doin' it. DONKEY I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die. (steps onto solid ground) Oh! SHREK That'll do, Donkey. That'll do. (walks towards the castle) DONKEY Cool. So where is this fire- breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway? SHREK Inside, waiting for us to rescue her. (chuckles) DONKEY I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek. INSIDE THE CASTLE DONKEY You afraid? SHREK No. DONKEY But... SHREK Shh. DONKEY Oh, good. Me neither. (sees a skeleton and gasps) 'Cause there's nothin' wrong with bein' afraid. Fear's a sensible response to an unfamiliar situation. Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I might add. (MORE) 26. With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and breathes fire, it sure doesn't mean you're a coward if you're a little scared. I sure as heck ain't no coward. I know that. SHREK Donkey, two things, okay? Shut ... up. Now go over there and see if you can find any stairs. DONKEY Stairs? I thought we was lookin' for the princess. SHREK (putting on a helmet) The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower. DONKEY What makes you think she'll be there? SHREK I read it in a book once. (walks off) DONKEY Cool. You handle the dragon. I'll handle the stairs. I'll find those stairs. I'll whip their butt too. Those stairs won't know which way they're goin'. (walks off) EMPTY ROOM Donkey is still talking to himself as he looks around the room. DONKEY I'm gonna take drastic steps. Kick it to the curb. Don't mess with me. I'm the stair master. I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here. I'd step all over it. ELSEWHERE Shrek spots a light in the tallest tower window. DONKEY (CONT'D) 27. SHREK Well, at least we know where the princess is, but where's the... DONKEY (os) Dragon! Donkey gasps and takes off running as the dragon roars again. Shrek manages to grab Donkey out of the way just as the dragon breathes fire. SHREK Donkey, look out! (he manages to get a hold of the dragons tail and holds on) Got ya! The dragon gets irritated at this and flicks it's tail and Shrek goes flying through the air and crashes through the roof of the tallest tower. Fiona wakes up with a jerk and looks at him lying on the floor. DONKEY Oh! Aah! Aah! Donkey get cornered as the Dragon knocks away all but a small part of the bridge he's on. DONKEY (CONT’D) No. Oh, no, No! (the dragon roars) Oh, what large teeth you have. (the dragon growls) I mean white, sparkling teeth. I know you probably hear this all time from your food, but you must bleach, 'cause that is one dazzling smile you got there. Do I detect a hint of minty freshness? And you know what else? You're - - You're a girl dragon! Oh, sure! I mean, of course you're a girl dragon. You're just reeking of feminine beauty. (the dragon begins fluttering her eyes at him) What's the matter with you? You got something in your eye? Ohh. Oh. Oh. Man, I'd really love to stay, but you know, I'm, uh...(the dragon blows a smoke ring in the shape of a heart right at him, and he coughs) I'm an asthmatic, and I don't know if it'd work out if you're gonna blow smoke rings. Shrek! (MORE) 28. (the dragon picks him up with her teeth and carries him off) No! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! FIONA'S ROOM Shrek groans as he gets up off the floor. His back is to Fiona so she straightens her dress and lays back down on the bed. She then quickly reaches over and gets the bouquet of flowers off the side table. She then lays back down and appears to be asleep. Shrek turns and goes over to her. He looks down at Fiona for a moment and she puckers her lips. Shrek takes her by the shoulders and shakes her away. FIONA Oh! Oh! SHREK Wake up! FIONA What? SHREK Are you Princess Fiona? FIONA I am, awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me. SHREK Oh, that's nice. Now let's go! FIONA But wait, Sir Knight. This be-ith our first meeting. Should it not be a wonderful, romantic moment? SHREK Yeah, sorry, lady. There's no time. FIONA Hey, wait. What are you doing? You should sweep me off my feet out yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed. SHREK You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you? FIONA (smiles) Mm-hmm. DONKEY (CONT’D) 29. Shrek breaks the lock on her door and pulls her out and down the hallway. FIONA (CONT’D) But we have to savor this moment! You could recite an epic poem for me. A ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or something! SHREK I don't think so. FIONA Can I at least know the name of my champion? SHREK Uh, Shrek. FIONA Sir Shrek. (clears throat and holds out a handkerchief) I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude. SHREK Thanks! Suddenly they hear the dragon roar. FIONA (surprised)You didn't slay the dragon? SHREK It's on my to-do list. Now come on! (takes off running and drags Fiona behind him.) FIONA But this isn't right! You were meant to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying. That's what all the other knights did. SHREK Yeah, right before they burst into flame. FIONA That's not the point. (Shrek suddenly stops and she runs into him.) Oh! (MORE) 30. (Shrek ignores her and heads for a wooden door off to the side.) Wait. Where are you going? The exit's over there. SHREK Well, I have to save my ass. FIONA What kind of knight are you? SHREK One of a kind. (opens the door into the throne room) DONKEY (os) Slow down. Slow down, baby, please. I believe it's healthy to get to know someone over a long period of time. Just call me old- fashioned. (laughs worriedly) (we see him up close and from a distance as Shrek sneaks into the room) I don't want to rush into a physical relationship. I'm not emotionally ready for a commitment of, uh, this - - Magnitude really is the word I'm looking for. Magnitude- - Hey, that is unwanted physical contact. Hey, what are you doing? Okay, okay. Let's just back up a little and take this one step at a time. We really should get to know each other first as friends or pen pals. I'm on the road a lot, but I just love receiving cards - - I'd really love to stay, but - - Don't do that! That's my tail! That's my personal tail. You're gonna tear it off. I don't give permission - - What are you gonna do with that? Hey, now. No way. No! No! No, no! No. No, no, no. No! Oh! Shrek grabs a chain that's connected to the chandelier and swings toward the dragon. He misses and he swings back again. He looks up and spots that the chandelier is right above the dragons head. He pulls on the chain and it releases and he falls down and bumps Donkey out of the way right as the dragon is about to kiss him. Instead the dragon kisses Shreks' butt. She opens her eyes and roars. Shrek lets go of the chain and the chandelier falls onto her head, but it's too big and it goes over her head and forms a sort of collar for her. FIONA (CONT'D) 31. She roars again and Shrek and Donkey take off running. Very 'Matrix' style. Shrek grabs Donkey and then grabs Princess Fiona as he runs past her. DONKEY (CONT’D) Hi, Princess! FIONA It talks! SHREK Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick. They all start screaming as the dragon gains on them. Shrek spots a descending slide and jumps on. But unfortunately there is a crack in the stone and it hits Shrek right in the groin. His eyes cross and as he reaches the bottom of the slide he stumbles off and walks lightly. SHREK (CONT’D) Oh! Shrek gets them close to the exit and sets down Donkey and Fiona. SHREK (CONT’D) Okay, you two, heard for the exit! I'll take care of the dragon. Shrek grabs a sword and heads back toward the interior of the castle. He throws the sword down in between several overlapping chain links. The chain links are attached to the chandelier that is still around the dragons neck. SHREK (CONT’D) (echoing) Run! They all take off running for the exit with the dragon in hot pursuit. They make it to the bridge and head across. The dragons breathes fire and the bridge begins to burn. They all hang on for dear life as the ropes holding the bridge up collapse. They are swung to the other side. As they hang upside down they look in horror as the dragon makes to fly over the boiling lava to get them. But suddenly the chandelier with the chain jerk the dragon back and she's unable to get to them. Our gang climbs quickly to safety as the dragon looks angry and then gives a sad whimper as she watches Donkey walk away. FIONA (sliding down the 'volcano' hill) You did it! You rescued me! You're amazing. (MORE) 32. (behind her Donkey falls down the hill) You're - - You're wonderful. You're... (turns and sees Shrek fall down the hill and bump into Donkey) a little unorthodox I'll admit. But thy deed is great, and thy heart is pure. I am eternally in your debt. (Donkey clears his throat.) And where would a brave knight be without his noble steed? DONKEY I hope you heard that. She called me a noble steed. She think I'm a steed. FIONA The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight. SHREK Uh, no. FIONA Why not? SHREK I have helmet hair. FIONA Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer. SHREK No, no, you wouldn't - - 'st. FIONA But how will you kiss me? SHREK What? (to Donkey) That wasn't in the job description. DONKEY Maybe it's a perk. FIONA No, it's destiny. Oh, you must know how it goes. FIONA (CONT'D) (MORE) 33. A princess locked in a tower and beset by a dragon is rescued by a brave knight, and then they share true love's first kiss. DONKEY Hmm? With Shrek? You think- - Wait. Wait. You think that Shrek is you true love? FIONA Well, yes. Both Donkey and Shrek burst out laughing. DONKEY You think Shrek is your true love! FIONA What is so funny? SHREK Let's just say I'm not your type, okay?Fiona: Of course, you are. You're my rescuer. Now - - Now remove your helmet. SHREK (CONT’D) Look. I really don't think this is a good idea. FIONA Just take off the helmet. SHREK I'm not going to. FIONA Take it off. SHREK No! FIONA Now! SHREK Okay! Easy. As you command. Your Highness. (takes off his helmet) FIONA You- - You're a- - an ogre. FIONA (CONT'D) 34. SHREK Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming. FIONA Well, yes, actually. Oh, no. This is all wrong. You're not supposed to be an ogre. SHREK Princess, I was sent to rescue you by Lord Farquaad, okay? He is the one who wants to marry you. FIONA Then why didn't he come rescue me? SHREK Good question. You should ask him that when we get there. FIONA But I have to be rescued by my true love, not by some ogre and his- - his pet. DONKEY Well, so much for noble steed. SHREK You're not making my job any easier. FIONA I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem. You can tell Lord Farquaad that if he wants to rescue me properly, I'll be waiting for him right here. SHREK Hey! I'm no one's messenger boy, all right? (ominous) I'm a delivery boy. (he swiftly picks her up and swings her over his shoulder like she was a sack of potatoes) FIONA You wouldn't dare. Put me down! SHREK Ya comin', Donkey? 35. DONKEY I'm right behind ya. FIONA Put me down, or you will suffer the consequences! This is not dignified! Put me down! WOODS A little time has passed and Fiona has calmed down. She just hangs there limply while Shrek carries her. DONKEY Okay, so here's another question. Say there's a woman that digs you, right, but you don't really like her that way. How do you let her down real easy so her feelings aren't hurt, but you don't get burned to a crisp and eaten? FIONA You just tell her she's not your true love. Everyone knows what happens when you find your...(Shrek drops her on the ground) Hey! The sooner we get to DuLoc the better. DONKEY You're gonna love it there, Princess. It's beautiful! FIONA And what of my groom-to-be? Lord Farquaad? What's he like? SHREK Let me put it this way, Princess. Men of Farquaad's stature are in short supply. (he and Donkey laugh) Shrek then proceeds to splash water onto his face to wash off the dust and grime. DONKEY I don't know. There are those who think little of him. (they laugh again) Fiona: Stop it. Stop it, both of you. You're just jealous you can never measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad. 36. SHREK Yeah, well, maybe you're right, Princess. But I'll let you do the "measuring" when you see him tomorrow. FIONA (looks at the setting sun) Tomorrow? It'll take that long? Shouldn't we stop to make camp? SHREK No, that'll take longer. We can keep going. FIONA But there's robbers in the woods. DONKEY Whoa! Time out, Shrek! Camp is starting to sound good. SHREK Hey, come on. I'm scarier than anything we're going to see in this forest. FIONA I need to find somewhere to camp now! Both Donkey and Shrek's ears lower as they shrink away from her. MOUNTAIN CLIFF Shrek has found a cave that appears to be in good order. He shoves a stone boulder out of the way to reveal the cave. SHREK Hey! Over here. DONKEY Shrek, we can do better than that. I don't think this is fit for a princess. FIONA No, no, it's perfect. It just needs a few homey touches. 37. SHREK Homey touches? Like what? (he hears a tearing noise and looks over at Fiona who has torn the bark off of a tree.) FIONA A door? Well, gentlemen, I bid thee good night. (goes into the cave and puts the bark door up behind her) DONKEY You want me to read you a bedtime story? I will. FIONA (os) I said good night! Shrek looks at Donkey for a second and then goes to move the boulder back in front of the entrance to the cave with Fiona still inside. DONKEY Shrek, What are you doing? SHREK (laughs) I just- - You know - - Oh, come on. I was just kidding. LATER THAT NIGHT Shrek and Donkey are sitting around a campfire. They are staring up into the sky as Shrek points out certain star constellations to Donkey. SHREK And, uh, that one, that's Throwback, the only ogre to ever spit over three wheat fields. DONKEY Right. Yeah. Hey, can you tell my future from these stars? SHREK The stars don't tell the future, Donkey. They tell stories. Look, there's Bloodnut, the Flatulent. You can guess what he's famous for. DONKEY I know you're making this up. 38. SHREK No, look. There he is, and there's the group of hunters running away from his stench. DONKEY That ain't nothin' but a bunch of little dots. SHREK You know, Donkey, sometimes things are more than they appear. Hmm? Forget it. DONKEY (heaves a big sigh) Hey, Shrek, what we gonna do when we get our swamp anyway? SHREK Our swamp? DONKEY You know, when we're through rescuing the princess. SHREK We? Donkey, there's no "we". There's no "our". There's just me and my swamp. The first thing I'm gonna do is build a ten-foot wall around my land. DONKEY You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me real deep just now. You know what I think? I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody out. SHREK No, do ya think? DONKEY Are you hidin' something? SHREK Never mind, Donkey. DONKEY Oh, this is another one of those onion things, isn't it? 39. SHREK No, this is one of those drop-it and leave-it alone things. DONKEY Why don't you want to talk about it? SHREK Why do you want to talk about it? DONKEY Why are you blocking? SHREK I'm not blocking. DONKEY Oh, yes, you are. SHREK Donkey, I'm warning you. DONKEY Who you trying to keep out? SHREK Everyone! Okay? DONKEY (pause) Oh, now we're gettin' somewhere. (grins) At this point Fiona pulls the 'door' away from the entrance to the cave and peaks out. Neither of the guys see her. SHREK Oh! For the love of Pete! (gets up and walks over to the edge of the cliff and sits down) DONKEY What's your problem? What you got against the whole world anyway? SHREK Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? It's the world that seems to have a problem with me. People take one look at me and go. "Aah! Help! Run! (MORE) 40. A big, stupid, ugly ogre!" They judge me before they even know me. That's why I'm better off alone. DONKEY You know what? When we met, I didn't think you was just a big, stupid, ugly ogre. SHREK Yeah, I know. DONKEY So, uh, are there any donkeys up there? SHREK Well, there's, um, Gabby, the Small and Annoying. DONKEY Okay, okay, I see it now. The big shiny one, right there. That one there? Fiona puts the door back. SHREK That's the moon. DONKEY Oh, okay. DuLoc - Farquaad's Bedroom The camera pans over a lot of wedding stuff. Soft music plays in the background. Farquaad is in bed, watching as the Magic Mirror shows him Princess Fiona. FARQUAAD Again, show me again. Mirror, mirror, show her to me. Show me the princess. MIRROR Hmph. The Mirror rewinds and begins to play again from the beginning. FARQUAAD Ah. Perfect. SHREK (CONT'D) 41. Farquaad looks down at his bare chest and pulls the sheet up to cover himself as though Fiona could see him as he gazes sheepishly at her image in the mirror. MORNING Fiona walks out of the cave. She glances at Shrek and Donkey who are still sleeping. She wanders off into the woods and comes across a blue bird. She begins to sing. The bird sings along with her. She hits higher and higher notes and the bird struggles to keep up with her. Suddenly the pressure of the note is too big and the bird explodes. Fiona looks a little sheepish, but she eyes the eggs that the bird left behind. Time lapse, Fiona is now cooking the eggs for breakfast. Shrek and Donkey are still sleeping. Shrek wakes up and looks at Fiona. Donkey's talking in his sleep. DONKEY (quietly) Mmm, yeah, you know I like it like that. Come on, baby. I said I like it. SHREK Donkey, wake up. (shakes him) DONKEY Huh? What? SHREK Wake up. DONKEY What? (stretches and yawns) FIONA Good morning. Hm, how do you like your eggs? DONKEY Oh, good morning, Princess! Fiona gets up and sets the eggs down in front of them. SHREK What's all this about? FIONA You know, we kind of got off to a bad start yesterday. I wanted to make it up to you. I mean, after all, you did rescue me. SHREK Uh, thanks. 42. Donkey sniffs the eggs and licks his lips. FIONA Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead of us. (walks off) LATER They are once again on their way. They are walking through the forest. Shrek belches. DONKEY Shrek! SHREK What? It's a compliment. Better out than in, I always say. (laughs) DONKEY Well, it's no way to behave in front of a princess. Fiona belches FIONA Thanks. DONKEY She's as nasty as you are

(chuckles) You know, you're not exactly what I expected. FIONA Well, maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them. She smiles and then continues walking, singing softly. Suddenly from out of nowhere, a man swings down and swoops Fiona up into a tree. ROBIN HOOD La liberte! Hey! SHREK Princess! FIONA (to Robin Hood) What are you doing? ROBIN HOOD Be still, mon cherie, for I am you savior! (MORE) 43. And I am rescuing you from this green...(kisses up her arm while Fiona pulls back in disgust)...beast. SHREK Hey! That's my princess! Go find you own! ROBIN HOOD Please, monster! Can't you see I'm a little busy here? FIONA (getting fed up) Look, pal, I don't know who you think you are! ROBIN HOOD Oh! Of course! Oh, how rude. Please let me introduce myself. Oh, Merry Men. (laughs) Suddenly an accordion begins to play and the Merry men pop out from the bushes. They begin to sing Robin's theme song. MERRY MEN Ta, dah, dah, dah, whoo. ROBIN HOOD I steal from the rich and give to the needy. MERRY MEN He takes a wee percentage, ROBIN HOOD But I'm not greedy. I rescue pretty damsels, man, I'm good. MERRY MEN What a guy, Monsieur Hood. ROBIN HOOD Break it down. I like an honest fight and a saucy little maid... MERRY MEN What he's basically saying is he likes to get... ROBIN HOOD (CONT'D) 44. ROBIN HOOD Paid. So...When an ogre in the bush grabs a lady by the tush. That's bad. MERRY MEN That's bad. ROBIN HOOD When a beauty's with a beast it makes me awfully mad. MERRY MEN He's mad, he's really, really mad. ROBIN HOOD I'll take my blade and ram it through your heart, keep your eyes on me, boys 'cause I'm about to start... There is a grunt as Fiona swings down from the tree limb and knocks Robin Hood unconscious. FIONA Man, that was annoying! Shrek looks at her in admiration. MERRY MAN Oh, you little- - (shoots an arrow at Fiona but she ducks out of the way) The arrow flies toward Donkey who jumps into Shrek's arms to get out of the way. The arrow proceeds to just bounce off a tree. Another fight sequence begins and Fiona gives a karate yell and then proceeds to beat the crap out of the Merry Men. There is a very interesting 'Matrix' moment here when Fiona pauses in mid-air to fix her hair. Finally all of the Merry Men are down, and Fiona begins walking away. FIONA Uh, shall we? SHREK Hold the phone. (drops Donkey and begins walking after Fiona) Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on now. Where did that come from? 45. FIONA What? SHREK That! Back there. That was amazing! Where did you learn that? FIONA Well...(laughs) when one lives alone, uh, one has to learn these things in case there's a...(gasps and points) there's an arrow in your butt! SHREK What? (turns and looks) Oh, would you look at that? (he goes to pull it out but flinches because it's tender) FIONA Oh, no. This is all my fault. I'm so sorry. DONKEY (walking up) Why? What's wrong? FIONA Shrek's hurt. DONKEY Shrek's hurt. Shrek's hurt? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die. SHREK Donkey, I'm okay. DONKEY You can't do this to me, Shrek. I'm too young for you to die. Keep you legs elevated. Turn your head and cough. Does anyone know the Heimlich? FIONA Donkey! Calm down. If you want to help Shrek, run into the woods and find me a blue flower with red thorns. DONKEY Blue flower, red thorns. Okay, I'm on it. Blue flower, red thorns. (MORE) 46. Don't die Shrek. If you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light! SHREK & FIONA Donkey! DONKEY Oh, yeah. Right. Blue flower, red thorns. (runs off) SHREK What are the flowers for? FIONA (like it's obvious) For getting rid of Donkey. SHREK Ah. FIONA Now you hold still, and I'll yank this thing out. (gives the arrow a little pull) SHREK (jumps away) Ow! Hey! Easy with the yankin'. As they continue to talk Fiona keeps going after the arrow and Shrek keeps dodging her hands. FIONA I'm sorry, but it has to come out. SHREK No, it's tender. FIONA Now, hold on. SHREK What you're doing is the opposite of help. FIONA Don't move. SHREK Look, time out. DONKEY (CONT'D) 47. FIONA Would you...(grunts as Shrek puts his hand over her face to stop her from getting at the arrow) Okay. What do you propose we do? ELSEWHERE Donkey is still looking for the special flower. DONKEY Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasn't color-blind! Blue flower, red thorns. SHREK (os) Ow! DONKEY Hold on, Shrek! I'm comin'! (rips a flower off a nearby bush that just happens to be a blue flower with red thorns) THE FOREST PATH SHREK Ow! Not good. FIONA Okay. Okay. I can nearly see the head. (Shrek grunts as she pulls) It's just about... SHREK Ow! Ohh! (he jerks and manages to fall over with Fiona on top of him) DONKEY Ahem. SHREK (throwing Fiona off of him) Nothing happend. We were just, uh - - DONKEY Look, if you wanted to be alone, all you had to do was ask. Okay? SHREK Oh, come on! That's the last thing on my mind. (MORE) 48. The princess here was just- - (Fiona pulls the arrow out) Ugh! (he turns to look at Fiona who holds up the arrow with a smile) Ow! DONKEY Hey, what's that? (nervous chuckle) That's...is that blood? Donkey faints. Shrek walks over and picks him up as they continue on their way. There is a montage of scenes as the group heads back to DuLoc. Shrek crawling up to the top of a tree to make it fall over a small brook so that Fiona won't get wet. Shrek then gets up as Donkey is just about to cross the tree and the tree swings back into it's upright position and Donkey flies off. Shrek swatting and a bunch of flies and mosquitoes. Fiona grabs a nearby spiderweb that's on a tree branch and runs through the field swinging it around to catch the bugs. She then hands it to Shrek who begins eating like it's a treat. As he walks off she licks her fingers. Shrek catching a toad and blowing it up like a balloon and presenting it to Fiona. Fiona catching a snake, blowing it up, fashioning it into a balloon animal and presenting it to Shrek. The group arriving at a windmill that is near DuLoc. WINDMILL SHREK There it is, Princess. Your future awaits you. FIONA That's DuLoc? DONKEY Yeah, I know. You know, Shrek thinks Lord Farquaad's compensating for something, which I think means he has a really...(Shrek steps on his hoof) Ow! SHREK Um, I, uh- - I guess we better move on. FIONA Sure. But, Shrek? I'm - - I'm worried about Donkey. SHREK What? SHREK (CONT'D) 49. FIONA I mean, look at him. He doesn't look so good. DONKEY What are you talking about? I'm fine. FIONA (kneels to look him in the eyes) That's what they always say, and then next thing you know, you're on your back. (pause) Dead. SHREK You know, she's right. You look awful. Do you want to sit down? FIONA Uh, you know, I'll make you some tea. DONKEY I didn't want to say nothin', but I got this twinge in my neck, and when I turn my head like this, look, (turns his neck in a very sharp way until his head is completely sideways) Ow! See? SHREK Who's hungry? I'll find us some dinner. FIONA I'll get the firewood. DONKEY Hey, where you goin'? Oh, man, I can't feel my toes! (looks down and yelps) I don't have any toes! I think I need a hug. SUNSET Shrek has built a fire and is cooking the rest of dinner while Fiona eats. FIONA Mmm. This is good. This is really good. What is this? SHREK Uh, weed rat. Rotisserie style. 50. FIONA No kidding. Well, this is delicious. SHREK Well, they're also great in stews. Now, I don't mean to brag, but I make a mean weed rat stew. (chuckles) Fiona looks at DuLoc and sighs. FIONA I guess I'll be dining a little differently tomorrow night. SHREK Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. I'll cook all kind of stuff for you. Swamp toad soup, fish eye tartare - - you name it. FIONA (smiles) I'd like that. They smiles at each other. SHREK Um, Princess? FIONA Yes, Shrek? SHREK I, um, I was wondering...are you...(sighs) Are you gonna eat that? DONKEY (chuckles) Man, isn't this romantic? Just look at that sunset. FIONA (jumps up) Sunset? Oh, no! I mean, it's late. I-It's very late. SHREK What? DONKEY Wait a minute. I see what's goin' on here. You're afraid of the dark, aren't you? 51. FIONA Yes! Yes, that's it. I'm terrified. You know, I'd better go inside. DONKEY Don't feel bad, Princess. I used to be afraid of the dark, too, until - - Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark. Shrek sighs FIONA Good night. SHREK Good night. Fiona goes inside the windmill and closes the door. Donkey looks at Shrek with a new eye. DONKEY Ohh! Now I really see what's goin' on here. SHREK Oh, what are you talkin' about? DONKEY I don't even wanna hear it. Look, I'm an animal, and I got instincts. And I know you two were diggin' on each other. I could feel it. SHREK You're crazy. I'm just bringing her back to Farquaad. DONKEY Oh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell the pheromones. Just go on in and tell her how you feel. SHREK I- - There's nothing to tell. Besides, even if I did tell her that, well, you know - - and I'm not sayin' I do 'cause I don't - - she's a princess, and I'm - - DONKEY An ogre? 52. SHREK Yeah. An ogre. DONKEY Hey, where you goin'? SHREK To get... move firewood. (sighs) Donkey looks over at the large pile of firewood there already is. TIME LAPSE Donkey opens the door to the Windmill and walks in. Fiona is nowhere to be seen. DONKEY Princess? Princess Fiona? Princess, where are you? Princess? Fiona looks at Donkey from the shadows, but we can't see her. DONKEY (CONT’D) It's very spooky in here. I ain't playing no games. Suddenly Fiona falls from the railing. She gets up only she doesn't look like herself. She looks like an ogre and Donkey starts freaking out. DONKEY (CONT’D) Aah! FIONA Oh, no! DONKEY No, help! FIONA Shh! DONKEY Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! FIONA No, it's okay. It's okay. DONKEY What did you do with the princess? 53. FIONA Donkey, I'm the princess. DONKEY Aah! FIONA It's me, in this body. DONKEY Oh, my God! You ate the princess. (to her stomach) Can you hear me? FIONA Donkey! DONKEY (still aimed at her stomach) Listen, keep breathing! I'll get you out of there! FIONA No! DONKEY Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! FIONA Shh. DONKEY Shrek! FIONA This is me. Donkey looks into her eyes as she pets his muzzle, and he quiets down. DONKEY Princess? What happened to you? You're, uh, uh, uh, different. FIONA I'm ugly, okay? DONKEY Well, yeah! Was it something you ate? 'Cause I told Shrek those rats was a bad idea. You are what you eat, I said. Now - - 54. FIONA No. I - - I've been this way as long as I can remember. DONKEY What do you mean? Look, I ain't never seen you like this before. FIONA It only happens when sun goes down. "By night one way, by day another. This shall be the norm... until you find true love's first kiss... and then take love's true form." DONKEY Ah, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry. FIONA It's a spell. (sigh) When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every night I become this. This horrible, ugly beast! I was placed in a tower to await the day my true love would rescue me. That's why I have to marry Lord Farquaad tomorrow before the sun sets and he sees me like this. (begins to cry) DONKEY All right, all right. Calm down. Look, it's not that bad. You're not that ugly. Well, I ain't gonna lie. You are ugly. But you only look like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24- 7. FIONA But Donkey, I'm a princess, and this is not how a princess is meant to look. DONKEY Princess, how 'bout if you don't marry Farquaad? FIONA I have to. Only my true love's kiss can break the spell. 55. DONKEY But, you know, um, you're kind of an orge, and Shrek - - well, you got a lot in common. FIONA Shrek? OUTSIDE Shrek is walking towards the windmill with a sunflower in his hand. SHREK (to himself) Princess, I - - Uh, how's it going, first of all? Good? Um, good for me too. I'm okay. I saw this flower and thought of you because it's pretty and - - well, I don't really like it, but I thought you might like it 'cause you're pretty. But I like you anyway. I'd - - uh, uh...(sighs) I'm in trouble. Okay, here we go. He walks up to the door and pauses outside when he hears Donkey and Fiona talking. FIONA (os) I can't just marry whoever I want. Take a good look at me, Donkey. I mean, really, who can ever love a beast so hideous an

d ugly? "Princess" and "ugly" don't go together. That's why I can't stay here with Shrek. Shrek steps back in shock. FIONA (CONT’D) (os) My only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my true love. Shrek heaves a deep sigh. He throws the flower down and walks away. INSIDE FIONA Don't you see, Donkey? That's just how it has to be. It's the only way to break the spell. 56. DONKEY You at least gotta tell Shrek the truth. FIONA No! You can't breathe a word. No one must ever know. DONKEY What's the point of being able to talk if you gotta keep secrets? FIONA Promise you won't tell. Promise! DONKEY All right, all right. I won't tell him. But you should. (goes outside) I just know before this is over, I'm gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy. Look at my eye twitchin'. Fiona comes out the door and watches him walk away. She looks down and spots the sunflower. She picks it up before going back inside the windmill. MORNING Donkey is asleep. Shrek is nowhere to be seen. Fiona is still awake. She is plucking petals from the sunflower. FIONA I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him. (she quickly runs to the door and goes outside) Shrek! Shrek, there's something I want...(she looks and sees the rising sun, and as the sun crests the sky she turns back into a human.) Just as she looks back at the sun she sees Shrek stomping towards her. FIONA (CONT’D) Shrek. Are you all right? SHREK Perfect! Never been better. FIONA I - - I don't - - There's something I have to tell you. 57. SHREK You don't have to tell me anything, Princess. I heard enough last night. FIONA You heard what I said? SHREK Every word. FIONA I thought you'd understand. SHREK Oh, I understand. Like you said, "Who could love a hideous, ugly beast?" FIONA But I thought that wouldn't matter to you. SHREK Yeah? Well, it does. (Fiona looks at him in shock. He looks past her and spots a group approaching.) Ah, right on time. Princess, I've brought you a little something. Farquaad has arrived with a group of his men. He looks very regal sitting up on his horse. You would never guess that he's only like 3 feet tall. Donkey wakes up with a yawn as the soldiers march by. DONKEY What'd I miss? What'd I miss? (spots the soldiers) (muffled) Who said that? Couldn't have been the donkey. FARQUAAD Princess Fiona. SHREK As promised. Now hand it over. FARQUAAD Very well, ogre. (holds out a piece of paper) The deed to your swamp, cleared out, as agreed. Take it and go before I change my mind. (MORE) 58. (Shrek takes the paper) Forgive me, Princess, for startling you, but you startled me, for I have never seen such a radiant beauty before. I'm Lord Farquaad. FIONA Lord Farquaad? Oh, no, no. (Farquaad snaps his fingers) Forgive me, my lord, for I was just saying a short... (Watches as Farquaad is lifted off his horse and set down in front of her. He comes to her waist.) farewell. FARQUAAD Oh, that is so sweet. You don't have to waste good manners on the ogre. It's not like it has feelings. FIONA No, you're right. It doesn't. Donkey watches this exchange with a curious look on his face. FARQUAAD Princess Fiona, beautiful, fair, flawless Fiona. I ask your hand in marriage. Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom? FIONA Lord Farquaad, I accept. Nothing would make - - FARQUAAD (interrupting) Excellent! I'll start the plans, for tomorrow we wed! FIONA No! I mean, uh, why wait? Let's get married today before the sun sets. FARQUAAD Oh, anxious, are you? You're right. The sooner, the better. There's so much to do! There's the caterer, the cake, the band, the guest list. Captain, round up some guests! (a guard puts Fiona on the back of his horse) FARQUAAD (CONT'D) 59. FIONA Fare-thee-well, ogre. Farquaad's whole party begins to head back to DuLoc. Donkey watches them go. DONKEY Shrek, what are you doing? You're letting her get away. SHREK Yeah? So what? DONKEY Shrek, there's something about her you don't know. Look, I talked to her last night, She's - - SHREK I know you talked to her last night. You're great pals, aren't ya? Now, if you two are such good friends, why don't you follow her home? DONKEY Shrek, I - - I wanna go with you. SHREK I told you, didn't I? You're not coming home with me. I live alone! My swamp! Me! Nobody else! Understand? Nobody! Especially useless, pathetic, annoying, talking donkeys! DONKEY But I thought - - SHREK Yeah. You know what? You thought wrong! (stomps off) DONKEY Shrek. Montage of different scenes. Shrek arriving back home. Fiona being fitted for the wedding dress. Donkey at a stream running into the dragon. Shrek cleaning up his house. Fiona eating dinner alone. Shrek eating dinner alone. 60. SHREK'S HOME Shrek is eating dinner when he hears a sound outside. He goes outside to investigate. SHREK Donkey? (Donkey ignores him and continues with what he's doing.) What are you doing? DONKEY I would think, of all people, you would recognize a wall when you see one. SHREK Well, yeah. But the wall's supposed to go around my swamp, not through it. DONKEY It is around your half. See that's your half, and this is my half. SHREK Oh! Your half. Hmm. DONKEY Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess. I did half the work. I get half the booty. Now hand me that big old rock, the one that looks like your head. SHREK Back off! DONKEY No, you back off. SHREK This is my swamp! DONKEY Our swamp. SHREK (grabs the tree branch Donkey is working with) Let go, Donkey! DONKEY You let go. 61. SHREK Stubborn jackass! DONKEY Smelly ogre. SHREK Fine! (drops the tree branch and walks away) DONKEY Hey, hey, come back here. I'm not through with you yet. SHREK Well, I'm through with you. DONKEY Uh-uh. You know, with you it's always, "Me, me, me!" Well, guess what! Now it's my turn! So you just shut up and pay attention! You are mean to me. You insult me and you don't appreciate anything that I do! You're always pushing me around or pushing me away. SHREK Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated you so bad, how come you came back? DONKEY Because that's what friends do! They forgive each other! SHREK Oh, yeah. You're right, Donkey. I forgive you... for stabbin' me in the back! (goes into the outhouse and slams the door) DONKEY Ohh! You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy, you're afraid of your own feelings. SHREK (os) Go away! DONKEY There you are , doing it again just like you did to Fiona. (MORE) 62. All she ever do was like you, maybe even love you. SHREK (os) Love me? She said I was ugly, a hideous creature. I heard the two of you talking. DONKEY She wasn't talkin' about you. She was talkin' about, uh, somebody else. SHREK (opens the door and comes out) She wasn't talking about me? Well, then who was she talking about? DONKEY Uh-uh, no way. I ain't saying anything. You don't wanna listen to me. Right? Right? SHREK Donkey! DONKEY No! SHREK Okay, look. I'm sorry, all right? (sigh) I'm sorry. I guess I am just a big, stupid, ugly ogre. Can you forgive me? DONKEY Hey, that's what friends are for, right? SHREK Right. Friends? DONKEY Friends. SHREK So, um, what did Fiona say about me? DONKEY What are you asking me for? Why don't you just go ask her? DONKEY (CONT'D) 63. SHREK The wedding! We'll never make it in time. DONKEY Ha-ha-ha! Never fear, for where, there's a will, there's a way and I have a way. (whistles) Suddenly the dragon arrives overhead and flies low enough so they can climb on. SHREK Donkey? DONKEY I guess it's just my animal magnetism. They both laugh. SHREK Aw, come here, you. (gives Donkey a noogie) DONKEY All right, all right. Don't get all slobbery. No one likes a kiss ass. All right, hop on and hold on tight. I haven't had a chance to install the seat belts yet. They climb aboard the dragon and she takes off for DuLoc. DULOC - CHURCH Fiona and Farquaad are getting married. The whole town is there. The prompter card guy holds up a card that says 'Revered Silence'. PRIEST People of DuLoc, we gather here today to bear witness to the union.... FIONA (eyeing the setting sun) UmPRIEST ...of our new king... 64. FIONA Excuse me. Could we just skip ahead to the "I do's"? FARQUAAD (chuckles and then motions to the priest to indulge Fiona) Go on. COURTYARD Some guards are milling around. Suddenly the dragon lands with a boom. The guards all take off running. DONKEY (to Dragon) Go ahead, HAVE SOME FUN. If we need you, I'll whistle. How about that? (she nods and goes after the guards) Shrek, wait, wait! Wait a minute! You wanna do this right, don't you? SHREK (at the Church door) What are you talking about? DONKEY There's a line you gotta wait for. The preacher's gonna say, "Speak now or forever hold your peace." That's when you say, "I object!" SHREK I don't have time for this! DONKEY Hey, wait. What are you doing? Listen to me! Look, you love this woman, don't you? SHREK Yes. DONKEY You wanna hold her? SHREK Yes. DONKEY Please her? SHREK Yes! 65. DONKEY (singing James Brown style) Then you got to, got to try a little tenderness. (normal) The chicks love that romantic crap! SHREK All right! Cut it out. When does this guy say the line? DONKEY We gotta check it out. INSIDE CHURCH As the priest talks we see Donkey's shadow through one of the windows Shrek tosses him up so he can see. PRIEST And so, by the power vested in me... Outside SHREK What do you see? DONKEY The whole town's in there. Inside PRIEST I now pronounce you husband and wife... Outside DONKEY They're at the altar. Inside PRIEST ...king and queen. Outside DONKEY Mother Fletcher! He already said it. SHREK Oh, for the love of Pete! 66. He runs inside without catching Donkey, who hits the ground hard. INSIDE CHURCH SHREK (running toward the alter) I object! FIONA Shrek? The whole congregation gasps as they see Shrek. FARQUAAD Oh, now what does he want? SHREK (to congregation as he reaches the front of the Church) Hi, everyone. Havin' a good time, are ya? I love DuLoc, first of all. Very clean. FIONA What are you doing here? SHREK Really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding... SHREK (CONT’D) Fiona! I need to talk to you. FIONA Oh, now you wanna talk? It's a little late for that, so if you'll excuse me - - SHREK But you can't marry him. FIONA And why not? SHREK Because- - Because he's just marring you so he can be king. 67. FARQUAAD Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him. SHREK He's not your true love. FIONA And what do you know about true love? SHREK Well, I - - Uh - - I mean - - FARQUAAD Oh, this is precious. The ogee has fallen in love with the princess! Oh, good Lord. (laughs) The prompter card guy holds up a card that says 'Laugh'. The whole congregation laughs. FARQUAAD (CONT’D) An ogre and a princess! FIONA Shrek, is this true? FARQUAAD Who cares? It's preposterous! Fiona, my love, we're but a kiss away from our "happily ever after." Now kiss me! (puckers his lips and leans toward her, but she pulls back.) FIONA (looking at the setting sun) "By night one way, by day another." (to Shrek) I wanted to show you before. She backs up and as the sun sets she changes into her ogre self. She gives Shrek a sheepish smile. SHREK Well, uh, that explains a lot. (Fiona smiles) FARQUAAD Ugh! It's disgusting! Guards! Guards! I order you to get that out of my sight now! Get them! Get them both! 68. The guards run in and separate Fiona and Shrek. Shrek fights them. SHREK No, no! FIONA Shrek! FARQUAAD This hocus-pocus alters nothing. This marriage is binding, and that makes me king! See? See? FIONA No, let go of me! Shrek! SHREK No! FARQUAAD Don't just stand there, you morons. SHREK Get out of my way! Fiona! Arrgh! FARQUAAD I'll make you regret the day we met. I'll see you drawn and quartered! You'll beg for death to save you! FIONA No, Shrek! FARQUAAD (hold a dagger to Fiona's throat) And as for you, my wife... SHREK Fiona! FARQUAAD I'll have you locked back in that tower for the rest of your days! I'm king! Shrek manages to get a hand free and he whistles. FARQUAAD (CONT’D) I will have order! I will have perfection! (MORE) 69. I will have - - (Donkey and the dragon show up and the dragon leans down and eats Farquaad) Aaaah! Aah! DONKEY All right. Nobody move. I got a dragon here, and I'm not afraid to use it. (The dragon roars.) I'm a donkey on the edge! The dragon belches and Farquaad's crown flies out of her mouth and falls to the ground. DONKEY (CONT’D) Celebrity marriages. They never last, do they? The congregation cheers. DONKEY (CONT’D) Go ahead, Shrek. SHREK Uh, Fiona? FIONA Yes, Shrek? SHREK I - - I love you. FIONA Really? SHREK Really, really. FIONA (smiles) I love you too. Shrek and Fiona kiss. Thelonius takes one of the cards and writes 'Awwww' on the back and then shows it to the congregation. CONGREGATION Aawww! Suddenly the magic of the spell pulls Fiona away. She's lifted up into the air and she hovers there while the magic works around her. FARQUAAD (CONT’D) 70. WHISPERS "Until you find true love's first kiss and then take love's true form. Take love's true form. Take love's true form." Suddenly Fiona's eyes open wide. She's consumed by the spell and then is slowly lowered to the ground. SHREK (going over to her) Fiona? Fiona. Are you all right? FIONA (standing up, she's still an ogre) Well, yes. But I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful. SHREK But you ARE beautiful. They smile at each other. DONKEY (chuckles) I was hoping this would be a happy ending. Shrek and Fiona kiss...and the kiss fades into... THE SWAMP ...their wedding kiss. Shrek and Fiona are now married. 'I'm a Believer' by Smashmouth is played in the background. Shrek and Fiona break apart and run through the crowd to their awaiting carriage. Which is made of a giant onion. Fiona tosses her bouquet which both Cinderella and Snow White try to catch. But they end up getting into a cat fight and so the dragon catches the bouquet instead. The Gingerbread man has been mended somewhat and now has one leg and walks with a candy cane cane. Shrek and Fiona walk off as the rest of the guests party and Donkey takes over singing the song. GINGERBREAD MAN God bless us, every one. DONKEY (as he's done singing and we fade to black) Oh, that's funny. Oh. Oh. I can't breathe. I can't breathe. THE END

 You better have a look at this, sir.

            - Commercial flight. - No. Too fast, sir.

            - One of our own? - Air Force has nothing scheduled.

            We've got ourselves a bogey.

            Orange Leader to Delta Group, anticipate visual contact...

            now.

            Holy cow pie!

            Hi. Nice antiques.

            Gotta blast.

            Fusion mix, stable. Engines cycling at one million gigajoules.

            Cool. We didn't blow up.

            Great.

            Jimmy, I think they want us to pull over.

            No time for that, Carl. Stand by with the satellite.

            OK. What do I do again?

            You're the deployment system, Carl.

            As soon as we clear the atmosphere, you just throw it.

            - Right. - Prepare to leave the atmosphere.

            Sorry about the toast, dear. I had to make it in the oven.

            - I can't find our toaster anywhere. - Looky.

            This oven toast is brilliant, sugar booger.

            And your yolks are absolutely perfect, too.

            Run away with me, my love.

            OK. But we'll have to take my car

            because your transmission needs a new compression cuff.

            Whatever.

            This is a good one. Quack, quack.

            Would you call Jimmy? He's going to miss the bus.

            Jimmy, breakfast!

            Time to come down!

            # Down, down, down, down, quack Down, down, down, down, quack

            Up, up, up.

            Engaging pulse rockets now!

            - No! - Now?

            Is this supposed to happen?

            Come on. Think.

            Think. Think.

            Brain blast.

            Give me your lunch.

            Thanks, boy.

            Don't try that at home.

            Must engage stabilisers.

            Now, just a quick stop at my house.

            I don't know, Jimmy. I gotta get to school on time. Besides, you...

            - Right. Gotcha. - No, I didn't mean... Jimmy!

            - See you in homeroom. - OK.

            Fasten your seat belt, Goddard. It's gonna be a bumpy ride.

            Well, what do you know, the chimney fell off again.

            Well, that wasn't so bad, huh?

            James Isaac Neutron.

            I see you up there.

            How many times have we told you not to launch yourself off the roof?

            Probably nine. Exactly nine.

            They say repetition is good for a developing brain.

            Then what do you think you're doing?

            Last night I got a message from space, but it was garbled in the ionosphere,

            so I had to launch a communications toaster... I mean, satellite.

            - And then when I tried... - Well, message from space. Wow.

            Don't encourage him, Hugh.

            Jimmy, we've repeatedly told you not to talk to strangers.

            But, Mom, I'm on the verge of contact with an advanced alien civilisation.

            I don't care how advanced they say they are, Jimmy.

            If your father and I haven't met them, they're strangers. Right, Hugh?

            Well, except for policemen. They're there to help you.

            You've got to admit that is pretty neat.

            But very unsafe, honey. That's bad.

            Deactivate pants.

            Engage, Gingivitis     .

            Robo-Barber prototype, engage.

            Online.

            Ta-da.

            You rock.

             You go, girl.

              Shoe-Bot!

              Bye, Goddard.

              - Wait! I'm here! - Goodbye, son. Have a good day.

              Goddard, not on the porch.

              Hey! Hey, wait!

              Seems like the perfect opportunity to try out the Super Bubble Gumobile.

              "No, Jimmy, don't try it. It's too soon."

              Nonsense. All great inventions need a test run.

              All right!

              Hello!

              - Right here. - Hey, look. Neutron's got another one.

              Nice invention, Nerdtron. Too bad somebody already invented the bus.

              Hey, guys, I've got it down this time.

              Internal combustion's such old science. Bubble travel is the way of the future.

              I guess trees are, like, the brakes.

              Hello?

              Jimmy?

              Carl.

              Careful!

              Hey!

              - Thanks. - That's what I'm here for.

              - What a day, huh? - Look at the bright side, Carl.

              The worst is behind us.

              And my fossil-to-chromosome ratios clearly demonstrate

              that female dinosaurs, like this plesiosaurus,

              were the stronger and smarter of their species.

              But, so what else is new?

              After class I'll be happy to demonstrate how boy dinosaurs

              got their butts kicked by girl dinosaurs on a regular basis.

              Excuse me, but the mandible crest of Cindy's alleged "plesiosaurus"

              is that of a male megalosaur, as defined by the Congress of Palaeontologists.

              Those findings were inconclusive, and you know it, Neutron.

              Hello! Miss Fowl,

              what is the standard for research on these extra-credit reports?

              Yes, well... Let's move along to "show and tell" now, shall we?

              This is Ultra Lord.

              Sheen, this is the seventh week in a row you've shown Ultra Lord in class.

              Miss Fowl, this one is different.

              This "Purple Vengeance" version with power fists and nuclear knees

              is a rare, never-been-seen condition, making it highly collectable.

              Never been seen, huh? Well, then, how do you know it's even in there?

              No!

              Hey, Jimmy, wanna see a frog?

              - That looks great, Carl. - Thanks. What are you drawing?

              Flycycle modifications for Goddard. Second prototype.

              Prototype, huh?

              - Well, you know, that looks good, too. - Thanks, Carl.

              Carl! Would you please share with us your "show and tell"?

              OK.

              This is my inhaler.

              It provides fast-acting relief of bronchial swelling

              due to asthma or allergies.

              One touch of the button and...

              - I can't see! - Thank you, Carl.

              All right. Next we have...

              Nick!

              Yes, Nick.

              You are a tad tardy again.

              Oh, my. Am I?

              It took me a little while to copy my mom's handwriting for this late note.

              Your "show and tell", please.

              How's it goin'?

              You know, I don't really do "show and tell".

              Yes, that's right. Thank you, Nick.

              - Did you drop this? - Yes. Well, I...

              My dropped pencil.

              Jimmy, we eagerly await another one of your

              interesting "show and tells".

              As a matter of fact, I brought my latest invention.

              Behold. The Shrink Ray!

              What's the matter, Neutron? Aren't you short enough already?

              Funny, Cindy.

              But this device is more suited to shrink something as vast as space itself,

              like, say, your mouth.

              Help me. Help me. I'm so tiny.

              Just like Jimmy's brain.

              So much for the Nobel Prize.

              Children, that's enough.

              Better luck next time.

              It worked this morning.

              I like your useless shrink ray, Jimmy.

              Well, it's probably just a programming error.

              Oh, my.

              Back! Back! Leviathan!

              Come on, Jimmy.

              Some of the greatest inventors started as complete, hopeless failures, too.

              - Yeah. - Well, thank you, Carl.

              I feel better, I think.

              - I'm glad. - That's good.

              Hey, Retroland Theme Park. Check it out.

              Meet Ultra Lord. Live!

              Look, it's the state-of-the-art, bone-warping gravity ride.

              I can hang out with Ultra Lord.

              And there's a petting zoo.

              - Well, look at this. - No, meet Ultra Lord live.

              Llamas and capybaras.

              Who cares? Meet Ultra Lord live.

              Yeah, but I'm gonna touch a llama.

              Guys, we have got to go to the grand opening tonight.

              Yeah!

              Yeah. But my folks won't let me stay out after dark.

              Well, it is a school night.

              Pukin' Pluto, there's gotta be something we can do. It's the grand opening.

              - Sneak out. - What?

              You heard me, dweebs. Sneak out.

              Yeah, but my parents sorta told me...

              Parents. What, are you guys gonna be kids forever?

              What your parents don't know won't hurt 'em.

              But, Nick, sneaking out is so barbaric.

              Whatever, Neutron. But there's only one opening night,

              and anybody who matters is gonna be there.

              What d'you think, Jimmy?

              Nick has a point. There is only one opening night.

              Think, think, think, think, think.

              Well, according to the  y:i Newville Journal of Medicine,

              monkeys are easily influenced by positive reinforcement,

              e.g. The giving of a banana.

              And since human and monkey DNA only differ by two per cent,

              the same principle should work on our parents.

              My dad's allergic to bananas.

              It's not the bananas. It's the principle.

              It's called psychology.

              All you have to do is butter 'em up.

              Give it a try. I'll call you guys later.

              We go to Retroland tonight!

              Yeah!

              - Watch out! - Hey!

              Hold on!

              I know.

              Excuse me, are you through with that? Thanks.

              A few oysters.

              One lump of coal coming up.

              - Thanks, Gus. - Hi, Jimmy.

              Excuse me.

              Jimmy, is that you, dear?

              Yeah, Mom. I'll be in in a second.

              DNA match confirmed. Welcome home, Jimmy.

              Eliminate school smell.

              - Normal odour restored. - Thank you, Vox.

              You're welcome.

              Warning. Entry tube closed for maintenance.

              - Thank you, Vox. - You're welcome.

              Here, Goddard. Here, boy.

              Here, Goddard.

              Hey, look what I brought ya. Aluminium.

              Do you want it? Do you want it? Huh?

              Sit.

              Roll over.

              Play dead.

              Mental note: Fix bug in obedience program.

              Good boy.

              OK, Goddard, let's check the experiments.

              The invisible hamsters are looking great...

              I think.

              Let's see how the girl-eating plant is doing.

              Nice choice.

              As usual.

              The latest burping-soda formula.

              A guaranteed one burp per sip.

              Excuse you!

              You know, there's still no reply to our satellite message.

              Jeez, it's been a whole day.

              You'd think we would have heard from an alien civilisation by now, huh?

              Well, come on, Goddard.

              Say "Aah".

              Add a little sand.

              And in you go.

              I'm just an old lump of coal

              But I'm gonna be a diamond some day

              Oh, yeah

              Jimmy.

              Hi, Mom.

              Jimmy, you scared the bejabers out of me.

              Sorry about your bejabers, Mom.

              And might I add how lovely you look today.

              - I'm covered in transmission fluid. - Exactly.

              And might I say, filth never looked so good.

              Yes, well, how was "show and tell" today?

              Was OK. But first, happy birthday, Mom.

              Jimmy, these are beautiful.

              But, sweetie, it's not my birthday.

              It's not? Well...

              Then whatever will I do with these lovely pearls and priceless earrings?

              - These can't be real. - But they can.

              And they are!

              And all these fabulous gifts and prizes could be yours

              if you know the correct answer to this question.

              - Please may I go to Retroland tonight? - No, it's a school night.

              Thank you so much, Mother. And might I say...

              - Did you just say no? - Yes.

              - Yes! - No.

              - No? - Yes.

              - Yes! - Jimmy...

              But all my friends are going.

              And anybody who matters is gonna be there, Mom.

              I matter and your father matters and you matter.

              But you're not going. Maybe we can go next weekend.

              Wait. I'm sure there must be something else in here to change your mind...

              No, Jimmy! Look out! Look out, Jimmy!

              Jimmy, be careful.

              Mom, get me out!

              - I didn't do it! - Stop, drop and roll! My goodness!

              Goddard.

              OK, Jimmy. That's the last straw.

              We have told you time and time again about playing with rockets.

              But, Mom, it's technically not a rocket. It's more of a jet-pack-type thing.

              I don't care what type thing it is.

              You just climb those stair-type things right now.

              Your father will have a few words to say to you when he gets home.

              It's not a rocket.

              - March. - Mom...

              Yes.

              The king, he loves his little orthgot.

              Yes, he does. Yes, he does. Yes, he does.

              Yes, he does.

              Sire, my King, it appears to be some type of alien transmission device.

              Tell me, when did it become acceptable

              to approach my royal throne unannounced?

              Yes, of course, my King.

              - Space him! - I assure you that...

              Wait!

              I missed it.

              - Can I, can I, can I space another? - No.

              - Please, brother. - I said no, Ooblar.

              - Oh, please, oh, please, oh, please... - I would love for that to stop.

              What have we here?

              As the king's assistant, I am the official checker of new things to be checked.

              It's all right. It's all right. I'll handle this.

              Hello!

              What galaxy are you from?

              - Ooblar. - Where is your leader?

              Ooblar, stop it. It's toast.

              Hello, toast.

              I greatly admire your ship.

              Beginning transmission from Earth.

              Greetings from planet Earth.

              I'm Jimmy Neutron and you're an alien life form.

              - I welcome the opportunity... - What a big head.

              ...for the mutual exchange of scientific knowledge and universal brotherhood.

              This here is my dog, Goddard.

              And this that you're looking at is my room. That's where I sleep.

              And this is my mom and dad right here. Mom, Dad.

              Freeze that image.

              They look...

              delicious.

              The search is over!

              But, Dad, all my friends are gonna be there.

              I know, son, but if all your friends were named Cliff, would you jump off them?

              I don't think you would. You see, Jimmy...

              Jimmy. Jim, Jim, Jimmy.

              Jim, James, son, let me tell you a little about rockets.

              They're big-people things, son.

              And you just can't go around playing with big-people, fiery, flying things

              because that's what rockets are.

              Rockets are flying things.

              Well, I hope this talk has helped.

              And, by the way, Mom says you're grounded.

              Sorry.

              What good is it to be a genius if you can't even go out on a school night?

              Goddard, options.

              Apologise. Your parents love you.

              Next.

              Create a time capsule. Escape to the future.

              That'll take too long. Next.

              Build Goddard a female poodle.

              Goddard, this is serious.

              Sneak out.

              That's it. Barbaric problems call for barbaric solutions.

              Phone, please.

              Carl, it's me.

              You get permission? Me neither.

              It turns out parents don't understand psychology.

              Tell Sheen to meet us at Retroland in one hour.

              We're sneakin' out.

              Halt! Hold it right there!

              Jimmy's awfully quiet up there, Hugh. Do you think we were too tough?

              - No, I don't think so, dear. No. - Maybe I should check on him.

              Now, now. I'm sure he's just reflecting on the error of his ways.

              Dealing with it in a mature, responsible manner.

              "Mom says you're grounded." Take that.

              It's working now.

              OK, Goddard, you know what to do.

              Good boy.

              See you later, Goddard.

              Jimmy's a big boy now. Don't you worry, sugar.

              - I suppose you're right. - Yeah, sure.

              I was a kid once. I remember being grounded a whole week

              and not being allowed to go to my best friend's bachelor party.

              - Well, what did you do? - Actually, I snuck out.

              - You don't think that Jimmy... - No, no.

              Besides, how's he gonna sneak out?

              It's not like he can just walk right out the front door.

              That's true.

              Retroland, here I come.

              Libby, you're breaking my concentration.

              Hey, I gotta choose a ring that fits my personality.

              Yeah! Here we go! Here we go!

              Tell me what it is you're supposed to be doing again.

              T'ai Chi, while drinking Purple Flurp.

              T'ai Chi promotes wellness, relaxes and rejuvenates the body.

              Whereas Purple Flurp,

              being    per cent sugar, creates tension

              and a temporary rush of energy and mood swings.

              I figure if I do them together,

              I achieve perfect balance.

              It's better than the poster.

              Gentlemen, this will be a night we shan't easily forget.

              I don't know what "shan't" means, but let's go.

              Do you promise to use your powers for good and not evil?

              Yes, Ultra Lord.

              Now, Counterpart, take this Ultra Mask and lead the fight for justice.

              Is this kid with anyone?

              Go, Carl.

              Now that's what I call a ride.

              Let's go.

              This is way beyond awesome.

              Just think if you boneheaded dweebs had listened to your parents,

              you'd be home in bed instead of riding this monster.

              I tell you, he's fine.

              Just a quick peek, Hugh.

              There. Now, what did I tell you?

              Jimmy, are you awake, dear?

              Yes, Mother. I am awake.

              Son, your mother and I just wanted to say good night.

              Yes. And to tell you that we love you.

              Honey, I know you're upset.

              We don't like to punish you.

              You're such a special boy.

              According to this, we should encourage Jimmy without overindulging him.

              OK. What does it say about rockets?

              - Is there someone in the kitchen? - Our kitchen?

              I didn't hear anything.

              Honey, did you leave the green light on?

              Jimmy?

              Jimmy?

              You're not Jimmy.

              Hugh?

              Hugh, are you all right?

              Hugh?

              - Was that so cool, dude! - Yeah! That was great!

              - Mind-bending! - Yeah!

              Hey, my pants are almost dry.

              Hey, Jimmy, I never thought I'd say it, but here goes.

              You know what? That Nick is not such a bad guy.

              - Are you kidding? He's a genius. - He's a genius!

              - No offence, Jimmy. - None taken.

              Actually, I find his insights on how to deal with one's parents refreshing.

              Yeah. Wouldn't it be great if our folks all disappeared for a while?

              Yeah.

              Hey, a shooting star.

              Cool. You get to make a wish. Lucky.

 What should I wish for?

              I know what I'd wish for. I'd wish for no more parents.

              That way we could do whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted.

              We'd be free. We could have fun all the time.

              Yeah!

              Liftoff in five,

              four, three, two...

              We have liftoff.

              Abort mission. Abort mission.

              Goddard, wake mode.

              All right. Come on, boy. Race you to the kitchen.

              Beat ya.

              Hey, Mom, did you get any more Purple Flurp?

              Mom!

              "Dear son/daughter,

              we have gone to Florida for an extended vacation."

              "Love, your parents."

              Yeah. My parents went to Florida, too.

              That's weird.

              From the look of it,

              I'd say a lot of parents are gone.

              Well... Did...

              - Did they all go to Florida? - Maybe they went to get juice.

              I don't digest pulp well. It makes me bloaty.

              Goddard, scan for adult life forms.

              Just as I thought. There are absolutely no adults anywhere within radar.

              They're gone. The whole city.

              No parents.

              No parents.

              No parents!

              Excuse me.

              I'm letting out the cold.

              I'm peeing in the shower.

              Llama, llama, llama!

              I'm walking up the down escalator.

              # My clothes don't match! I'm out in public and my clothes don't match!

              I'm still doing it. Go, go, go.

              Welcome to the Candy Bar. Whoopee cushion or non-whoopee cushion?

              Jimmy!

              What'll it be, boys?

              - We'll have what he's throwing. - Excellent choice.

              Hang on!

              No skiing in the halls.

              Don't make me get the protractor.

              Morning, Goddard.

              My head. What a night.

              I'm stuffed now. I couldn't have ano...

              OK, one more. I'm gonna have one more and then that'll be it.

              What a battle. Are there any survivors?

              Help me.

              I remember my first time.

              Shake it off, Neutron.

              I gotta get home. Mom and Dad might be back by now.

              Come on, Goddard.

              We interrupt this programme to bring you this report.

              Hey, knock it off, Arnie.

              "Trouble in Paradise." That's what some kids are saying

              in the aftermath of yesterday's "Mom and Dad are gone" celebrations.

              Here's Courtney Tyler.

              What started as an awesome day has become, like, a real bummer.

              - Help us! - I don't know how to make lunch.

              - I want my parents. - Somebody hold me.

              I was playing on the teetertotter

              and the next thing I knew I was on the ground and my knee hurt.

              Reports of tummy aches, owies and constipation

              have reached epidemic numbers over the past few hours,

              with little indication of slowing down.

              And so we were gonna see who could eat the most cotton candy.

              And I won.

              I want my mommy.

              So, there you have it.

              I want my mommy, too.

              Mom? Dad?

              What kind of parents take off and leave their kid?

              And they didn't even say goodbye.

              Son, your mother and I just wanted to say good night.

              Yes. And to tell you that we love you.

              We only do what we do because we love you.

              Maybe we can all go to Retroland next weekend, the three of us.

              What about my fabulous dog Goddard?

              Sure. Your fabulous dog Goddard, too.

              Well, good night, son.

              Good night, Jimmy. Sweet dreams.

              We'll see you in the morning.

              OK.

              So they said good night.

              "In the morning"? Hey, wait a minute.

              Play back the last part again. Audio only.

              Good night, Jimmy. Sweet dreams. We'll see you in the morning.

              There. Why would she say that if they weren't gonna be here?

              Come on, Goddard. We're going to the lab.

              It's just as I thought.

              The serifs and kerning on the note don't match Mom and Dad's handwriting.

              This note's a fake.

              What is it, boy?

              The Long-Range Space Scanner. It detected something.

              Filtering out background radiation and... There it is.

              Jumping Jupiter! The Earth's been visited by aliens!

              OK, so me, you and a dog

              are gonna battle an alien civilisation, right?

              - By ourselves? - He's a good dog. Aren't you, boy?

              The last time we tried this, we couldn't even break free of the atmosphere.

              I know, I know. But I recalculated the thrust-to-fuel ratio

              and I've adjusted the engine accordingly.

              - I can fix that. - Neutron.

              - What is it? - An angry mob.

              In times of crisis, intellectuals are always the first to go.

              Well, they don't look angry. They look like they're about to barf.

              Let me go. You're messing with powers far beyond your mortal comprehension.

              OK, Neutron.

              Ultra Freak here says you really know what happened to all our parents.

              Hey, how you doin'? I didn't say nothin' about our parents being abducted...

              - Where's my mom and dad? - Hey, what's the matter?

              Goddard, star map    please.

              Right about there.

              Long-range sensors picked up these ion trails, indicating the route

              for whatever intelligence abducted our parents.

              They lead us somewhere in the Orion star system

              three million light years away, so we'll need to leave by Friday.

              OK, that gives us about two days to collect the plutonium,

              design and test our fusion engines and build our fleet of interstellar warships.

              We'll also need to bring snacks.

              Any questions?

              Are you sure about this, Neutron?

              Well, the data seems to support this hypothesis.

              Never argue with the data.

              OK, Neutron, here's the lowdown.

              You get us to those kidnapping alien scuzzballs,

              and I'll take it from there.

              We're getting our parents back.

              OK, Ben, that's good. Let it down slow.

              Two more turns, Emma. Not too tight.

              Yup. Tape adhesion is within operational limits.

              What? Cindy?

              Cindy, what did you do to that intergalactic starship?

              We thought that the deep recesses of space could use a feminine touch.

              What do you think, Jimmy?

              Yeah, it's OK, I guess.

              You kinda ruined it though.

              Hey, Jimmy, do these fusion reactors need fuel rods?

              Come on, Sheen. It's not rocket science. You just have to...

              Actually, I guess it is rocket science.

              - No fuel rods, Sheen. - OK.

              And for the final touch...

              Good work, everybody. We're ready for intergalactic travel.

              Neutron, this is gonna work, right?

              - Yeah, Jimmy. What if it doesn't work? - It will work!

              I'm    per cent sure it will.

              -   ? - Yeah.

              Yeah, and the other five per cent?

              We blow up.

              But just a little.

              Look, a    is still an "A".

              Yeah, I can deal with that. I never got a    in my life.

              You heard the man. Stop sucking your thumbs and let's light this candle.

              Goddard, initiate launch sequence.

              Make sure seat belts are fastened

              and remember to keep your hands and arms inside the vehicles at all times.

              Come on, everybody. Get in formation.

              Carl, you're too low.

              Come on, you stupid butterfly.

              Go, Counterparts! Go!

              Hang on. We're passing through the stratosphere.

              Now the mesosphere.

              Entering ionosphere.

              Now I know why they all end in "phere"!

              This is it, baby. Engaging pulse rockets now.

              Come on, come on, come on, come on.

              Look, Goddard. The wonders of the universe.

              We are witnessing celestial events no person, or dog, has ever seen.

              It's incredible.

              Beautiful, isn't it, Nick?

              Yeah, yeah. Wake me when we get there.

              Hey, Jimmy.

              D'you think we can rotate shifts after a while?

              Hey, we'll switch.

              Hey, this astronaut food isn't too bad.

              That's toothpaste, Carl.

              Minty.

              - Hey, what's happening? - Meteor shower.

              Evasive action.

              I do so relish these times of peril.

              - That was close. - Look out!

              We've gotta find shelter.

              Asteroid bearing    .  degrees.

              Come on!

              So then these three filmmakers find all these sticks in the trees

              shaped like stick people.

              And the girl filmmaker starts crying and her nose starts dripping.

              And they don't have any tissue at all.

              None?

              None.

              So then they start to hear really scary noises

              and voices coming from outside.

              So they leave the tent.

              Don't leave the tent! Don't leave the tent!

              Oh, yeah, Carl. They leave the tent and they follow the voices,

              when from out of the darkness comes the...

              Man, that was so choice. You should have seen your faces.

              Did they really leave the tent, Nick?

              Hey, there's a red giant. And that's a white dwarf.

              You can relate, huh, Neutron?

              Hey, Jimmy, what's the matter?

              Listen, in case you haven't noticed, I'm not exactly the tallest guy around.

              Shorty, squirt, small-stuff, shrimp.

              It gets to you after a while.

              And next year there'll be dances.

              What girl'd dance with a guy who looks like he should still be in Gymboree?

              I didn't think we liked girls yet, Jim.

              We don't. We don't. No. Not yet. No.

              However, one day, Carl,

              an influx of hormones we can't control will overpower our better judgment

              and drive us to pursue the female species against our will.

              Stop talking like that, Jimmy. You're gonna give me nightmares.

              Listen, I wouldn't worry, Carl.

              I have a feeling puberty is light years away for you and me.

              You know, we should have never wished on that star, Jimmy,

              cos I miss my folks.

              My mom used to tuck me in bed every night

              before she was abducted by aliens.

              Before my dad was abducted by aliens,

              he would always read me to sleep.

              Before my mom was inducted by aliens,

              she would rub my tummy and she'd sing...

              - What? - Nothing.

              Come on, you guys. We gotta keep our heads.

              We'll find 'em.

              What is it, boy?

              Sensor sweeps reveal many advanced cities and...

              ion energy signatures. That's it!

              We've found it. I repeat: We've found it.

              Nick, we'll contact you as soon as we find the parents

              so you can kick some alien buttocks.

              - Piece of cake. - OK, scouting party, follow me.

              I'll be back, Nick.

              Wow. What is that?

              Wow. They've evolved beyond the need for mere conventional bodies.

              They must be an advanced species millions of years ahead of us.

              Wow. When I sneeze, it looks like an advanced species, too.

              OK, they're this way.

              Right this way, sire.

              Ooblar, these humans look so scrawny. Hardly very appetising.

              Are you sure they're yummy?

              I assure you, my slimy sovereign.

              Poultra will be quite pleased.

              Humans are mostly water with a crunchy, bony centre.

              Think nuts and chews.

              - There they are. - What are they doing?

              - What are those things on their heads? - It looks like a mind-control device.

              Mom. Dad. Dad!

              It's me. Jimmy. Over here.

              Jim, Jim, Jim, Jimmys, James, James, Jim.

              Big, fiery, flying Jimmy. Hi, Jimmy.

              Some dream, huh? Attack of the big egg people. I think I've seen this one.

              No, Dad. You're wearing a mind-control device. Take yours off. Hurry!

              - Dad? - Intruder alert. Intruder alert.

              Dad, no, no, no. Sh.

              Jimmy, your dad's like a mind-control duck man.

              - Let's get outta here. - Let's go.

              Come back. Join us, Jimmy. Join us.

              Well, well, if it isn't the littlest rescue party. How cute.

              Hello, itty-bitty humans.

              You let us go, you big ball of phlegm.

              That's no way to talk to the king. He is the royal phlegm.

              - Ooblar. - Sorry, sire.

              I think it's only fair to warn you that if you don't release us within    hours,

              an army of trained combat specialists is poised to destroy your entire planet.

              - Really? - Really.

              Oh, my. Our entire planet. Whatever shall we do?

              Do you mean this army of trained combat specialists?

              - Hey, it's Nick. Hey, Nick. Oh, man... - Nick!

              Get your grubs off me, egghead.

              Don't look so surprised. We're an advanced alien race.

              What did you expect?

              What do you want with our parents?

              It's not what I want. It's what Poultra wants.

              - Who's Poultra? - Poultra is our god.

              The mightiest, most ferocious creature in all...

              I get tired of answering this. Roll tape.

              Hello and welcome to our special edition of "Poultra: God of Wrath".

              - Brought to you by Goo... - Commercials. Hate them.

              Welcome back. If you're watching this,

              chances are your friends and/or relatives are about to be sacrificed

              to the Mighty Poultra, which is a great honour indeed.

              And very painful.

              And this year's human sacrifices feature something very special:

              Actual humans.

              And it's all thanks to Jimmy Neutron.

              Greetings from planet Earth. I'm Jimmy Neutron and you're an alien life form.

              You know, without the coordinates you gave us,

              we never would have found your puny little planet.

              For such a tiny earthling, you've been a very big help, Jimmy Neutron.

              Guards, throw these minuscule vermin into the dungeon

              until they're of worthier size, and give Mr Neutron the presidential suite.

              What?

              Isn't this a funny-wunny little toy?

              Get it off me! Get it off!

              Take this infernal thing to the lab and have it torn apart.

              Yes, great saliva-armed one.

              - Hold it. Move along. - Goddard!

              Move!

              So, it was Neutron all along.

              I mean, he got us into this.

              Hey, Jimmy, didn't your parents ever tell you not to talk to strangers?

              That's rule number one.

              Come on, you guys. Give him a break.

              Jimmy didn't mean to ruin our lives

              and get our parents eaten by a giant space monster.

              She's right. We need to ask ourselves "What would Ultra Lord do?"

              Let's think about that, Sheen. Maybe sit on a shelf because he's a doll!

              He's not. He's an action figure. There's a difference.

              Come on, Nick. Let Sheen talk. Maybe he's onto something.

              What would Ultra Lord do, Sheen?

              Well, in episode    

              he fried the zeebot's brain with his heat-seeking infra-thought. It was cool.

              Well, I'm convinced, folks,

              that's pretty much the stupidest thing I ever heard!

              No. This is the stupidest thing you've ever heard.

              You are such a baby.

              Leave me alone. You're picking on me because you're insecure.

              Jimmy, you there?

              Look, don't listen to them.

              They're just scared.

              Are you OK?

              Yeah. I'm fine.

              Don't be so hard on yourself. We'll get out of this.

              OK, so you made a mistake.

              Beating yourself up isn't gonna fix anything.

              You know, I was the smartest kid in school until you came along.

              And I admit you know more about some things than I do.

              But I know one thing that you don't seem to get,

              and that's that we're never getting outta here without you.

              So why don't you buck up, mister,

              and put that big brain of yours back to work?

              Nick can handle the fighting stuff, but first we have to get out of this cell.

              Cindy, why are you being so nice to me?

              Because there's a bunch of kids in here that need you.

              And I do, too.

              I am never complaining about my parents again.

              We didn't even get our one phone call.

              That's it! Libby, let me see your cellphone.

              OK, but I don't think my service plan

              covers anything outside our solar system.

              - Who are you calling? - A friend of mine.

              All right, little Earth doggy.

              Ooblar is going to take you apart into tiny little pieces.

              All right?

              Hey, give me that!

              Fine. We'll use this one then.

              No, no, no, no, no. No!

              Would you stop that? Those are mine.

              That's not funny! Stop it! And give me my things.

              Come on, boy, pick up.

              Good. Good. Perhaps we'll get somewhere.

              Goddard, you're OK.

              I miss you, too, boy. Listen, what's your situation?

              Evil scientist, huh?

              OK. I got an idea. Put me on speaker, Goddard.

              Danger. Danger. You have initiated self-destruct sequence alpha.

              That's my bad. Back in you go.

              Self-destruct sequence is now engaged.

              No, no, no, no, no! I put it back in. You understand me?

              This unit will yield a   -megaton nuclear blast in exactly ten seconds.

              - That's not good! - Please clear a   -square mile area.

              Thank you and have a nice day.

              - Ten, nine, eight... - No, back up!

              ...seven... - Mother!

              Is he gone, boy?

              Great. Lock on to this signal and get here as fast as you can.

              Halt. Who goes there?

              The guard.

              By order of the esteemed King Goobot,

              it is my great privilege and honour to mercilessly exterminate you.

              Think. Think. Goddard, play dead.

              Good boy, Goddard. Good boy.

              Guess I'll make that bug a feature, huh?

              - Good dog. - Way to go!

              - You're a good robot. - Come on! Let's get the others.

              Nice work, Jimmy.

              Hey, Cindy. Thanks.

              If you ever tell anyone I was nice to you, you'll wind up looking like that guy.

              Let's go, Neutron. It's egg-scrambling time.

              - Wait for me, Nick. - Come back!

              Please?

              Bring out the humans.

              Come on, it's showtime. Everybody out.

              Kick it!

              - Look, you guys. A football game. - I don't think so, Carl.

              Goddard, bino-scope mode.

              Wow. What a lame half-time show.

              They're making our parents dance so lame.

              No, my dad really dances like that.

              - The festival is starting. - Our parents! They'll be eaten!

              Nobody eats my parents unless I say so!

              Come on.

              Begin the incubation.

              Come on, Nick. Show them what you're made of.

              Halt.

              Hey, cool spear.

              You really think so? I guess so because...

              Mind if I try?

              No, no, no!

              My hero.

              - Come on, everyone. - Get 'em, Nick. Come on!

              My hero?

              OK, we need another plan.

              Probably a Nick-less one.

              Poultra! Poultra!

              Poultra! Poultra!

              Citizens of Yokus, I, King Goobot the Fifth,

              give you sacrifice.

              That's a big chicken.

              What do we do now?

              Think. Think.

              Brain blast!

              OK, everybody, listen up. We don't have much time.

              I've got to make it to that control tower.

              Cindy, Libby, keep the guards busy until Sheen arrives with the ship.

              OK, I heard the ship part, but was that "Sheen get the ship"?

              Yeah, yeah.

              There's a transport ship in that airfield big enough to carry all of us out.

              - I need you to get it here fast. - But I don't have a driver's licence.

              - I have no hand-eye coordination... - Sheen, ask yourself,

              what would Ultra Lord do?

              I accept this responsibility,

              understanding the consequences that you've bestowed against me.

              Poultra, din-dins.

              Yummy, yummy. Foodie, woodie.

              This is it, people. These crummy aliens stole our parents.

              It's time to show them what we're made of. We're tough! We're mean!

              Darn it, we're carbon-based life forms.

              - Now, who's gonna kick buttocks? - The carbon-based life forms!

              Yeah!

              What is this?

              - Stop those kids. - After 'em.

              Cindy, Purple Flurp.

              Dragon whips her tail.

              Let's dance.

              Yeah, Jimmy.

              Come on, boy.

              - Jimmy! - Carl, "show and tell".

              Come here, you.

              I can't see! I can't see!

              You want some? You want some? You want a piece of me?

               I didn't think so.

                Munchy-crunchy time.

                There you go.

                - Fetch, boy. - Hey, hey, give me that.

                - Come back here, you! - Everybody up.

                Hey, nice party. Gotta blast.

                Neutron.

                OK, let's move out.

                Guards, vaporise the Earth brats.

                Hurry, head for the exit.

                - Hey, where's Sheen? - I don't know.

                Stop them!

                All right, Sheen!

                Your ship awaits, Captain Jimmy.

                Ooblar, protect!

                Pooh.

                Everybody to the ship!

                Poultra, quickly. Your dinner's getting away.

                - OK, keep up. Let's get out of here. - Come on!

                We gotta do this quick. Launch positions.

                Temperature optimal. Engaging plasma coils.

                - Jim, I think we better leave now. - Countdown! Ten, nine, eight...

                One!

                - To my ships. - And can someone bring me a bucket?

                Jimmy, here they come!

                Time to discipline the naughty children.

                Open fire.

                OK, who wants fried chicken?

                So, Neutron, now it's just you and I.

                All weapons online.

                Ultra Lord is not afraid of chickens

                He is not afraid...

                He may be a little bit afraid of chickens

                This thing's too slow. I can't outrun 'em.

                - Incoming message. - On screen.

                You see, Jimmy, you can't win.

                All of your friends and family would be safe at home,

                if it wasn't for one little problem. You.

                - Little? - Now you all must die!

                Little, huh? I'll show you little.

                Cindy, take over. Come on, boy.

                What are you doing? Is this one of those macho things?

                I know we haven't field-tested this feature yet, but we've no choice, buddy.

                Goddard, flycycle!

                Would you look at this? I do believe he's going to ram us, Ooblar.

                Remind me to clean the windshield later.

                You steal my parents, you threaten my dog...

                Itsy-bitsy Jimmy Neutron.

                He does look a bit small and silly, doesn't he, sire?

                You attack my friends and you made fun of my size.

                - Tiny, tiny. - So, so tiny.

                Well, I may be small, but I've got a big brain.

                Not tiny!

                Can't we call this whole thing a mistake and go back to your plan -

                rendezvous for universal brotherhood and whatnot?

                You've not seen the last of us,

                Jimmy Neutron!

                You look marvellous sunny-side up, sire.

                That's no yolk.

                All right, Jimmy! Good job!

                Orbiting around Jimmy's big head. Estimated time to ear: Seven minutes.

                So, I guess I can't call you short any more.

                Don't worry. I'm sure there are all kinds of other insults you can come up with.

                Let me tell you, as soon as we get home,

                we're going out dancing!

                Ultra Dad!

                Ultra Son!

                Dad! Daddy!

                Hey, Neutron.

                Nice job.

                Thanks.

                I've got that for you, dear.

                Mom, Dad,

                I should have listened to you when you said don't talk to strangers.

                See, I guess I thought I was smart enough to do everything on my own -

                that I didn't need you.

                But I was wrong.

                I love you guys.

                We love you too, Jimmy.

                Having a genius for a son may not always be easy,

                but it's always interesting.

                You make us so proud.

                You sure do, son.

                You know, not every family gets to ride in an alien spaceship,

                hurtling through the universe at warp speeds, millions of miles from home.

                - We thank you for that. - You gotta admit, that is pretty neat.

                There you are, gentlemen.

                - Freeze! - It's OK, Carl.

                - It's just breakfast. - I knew that.

                I don't remember buying this brand of soda.

                - No, no, Mom... Mom, you... - Jimmy, it's just soda.

                Mom, no!

                Goodness! Excuse me.

                Boy, it's a scorcher out there.

                - Thanks, honey. - Hugh!

                Well, at least it's coming out of the attic, not the basement.

                Hugh!

                Mom!

                James Isaac Neutron...

                Onward, Mr Wiggles.

                We reach the cafeteria by dawn.

Scripts.com
Bee Movie
By Jerry Seinfeld

NARRATOR:
(Black screen with text; The sound of buzzing bees can be heard)
According to all known laws
of aviation,
 :
there is no way a bee
should be able to fly.
 :
Its wings are too small to get
its fat little body off the ground.
 :
The bee, of course, flies anyway
 :
because bees don't care
what humans think is impossible.
BARRY BENSON:
(Barry is picking out a shirt)
Yellow, black. Yellow, black.
Yellow, black. Yellow, black.
 :
Ooh, black and yellow!
Let's shake it up a little.
JANET BENSON:
Barry! Breakfast is ready!
BARRY:
Coming!
 :
Hang on a second.
(Barry uses his antenna like a phone)
 :
Hello?
ADAM FLAYMAN:

(Through phone)
- Barry?
BARRY:
- Adam?
ADAM:
- Can you believe this is happening?
BARRY:
- I can't. I'll pick you up.
(Barry flies down the stairs)
 :
MARTIN BENSON:
Looking sharp.
JANET:
Use the stairs. Your father
paid good money for those.
BARRY:
Sorry. I'm excited.
MARTIN:
Here's the graduate.
We're very proud of you, son.
 :
A perfect report card, all B's.
JANET:
Very proud.
(Rubs Barry's hair)
BARRY=
Ma! I got a thing going here.
JANET:
- You got lint on your fuzz.
BARRY:
- Ow! That's me!

JANET:
- Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000.
- Bye!
(Barry flies out the door)
JANET:
Barry, I told you,
stop flying in the house!
(Barry drives through the hive,and is waved at by Adam who is reading a
newspaper)
BARRY==
- Hey, Adam.
ADAM:
- Hey, Barry.
(Adam gets in Barry's car)
 :
- Is that fuzz gel?
BARRY:
- A little. Special day, graduation.
ADAM:
Never thought I'd make it.
(Barry pulls away from the house and continues driving)
BARRY:
Three days grade school,
three days high school...
ADAM:
Those were awkward.
BARRY:
Three days college. I'm glad I took
a day and hitchhiked around the hive.
ADAM==
You did come back different.
(Barry and Adam pass by Artie, who is jogging)
ARTIE:
- Hi, Barry!

BARRY:
- Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good.
ADAM:
- Hear about Frankie?
BARRY:
- Yeah.
ADAM==
- You going to the funeral?
BARRY:
- No, I'm not going to his funeral.
 :
Everybody knows,
sting someone, you die.
 :
Don't waste it on a squirrel.
Such a hothead.
ADAM:
I guess he could have
just gotten out of the way.
(The car does a barrel roll on the loop-shaped bridge and lands on the
highway)
 :
I love this incorporating
an amusement park into our regular day.
BARRY:
I guess that's why they say we don't need vacations.
(Barry parallel parks the car and together they fly over the graduating
students)
Boy, quite a bit of pomp...
under the circumstances.
(Barry and Adam sit down and put on their hats)
 :
- Well, Adam, today we are men.

ADAM:
- We are!
BARRY=
- Bee-men.
=ADAM=
- Amen!
BARRY AND ADAM:
Hallelujah!
(Barry and Adam both have a happy spasm)
ANNOUNCER:
Students, faculty, distinguished bees,
 :
please welcome Dean Buzzwell.
DEAN BUZZWELL:
Welcome, New Hive Oity
graduating class of...
 :
...9:
 :
That concludes our ceremonies.
 :
And begins your career
at Honex Industries!
ADAM:
Will we pick our job today?
(Adam and Barry get into a tour bus)
BARRY=
I heard it's just orientation.
(Tour buses rise out of the ground and the students are automatically
loaded into the buses)
TOUR GUIDE:
Heads up! Here we go.

ANNOUNCER:
Keep your hands and antennas
inside the tram at all times.
BARRY:
- Wonder what it'll be like?
ADAM:
- A little scary.
TOUR GUIDE==
Welcome to Honex,
a division of Honesco
 :
and a part of the Hexagon Group.
Barry:
This is it!
BARRY AND ADAM:
Wow.
BARRY:
Wow.
(The bus drives down a road an on either side are the Bee's massive
complicated Honey-making machines)
TOUR GUIDE:
We know that you, as a bee,
have worked your whole life
 :
to get to the point where you
can work for your whole life.
 :
Honey begins when our valiant Pollen
Jocks bring the nectar to the hive.
 :
Our top-secret formula
 :
is automatically color-corrected,

scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured
 :
into this soothing sweet syrup
 :
with its distinctive
golden glow you know as...
EVERYONE ON BUS:
Honey!
(The guide has been collecting honey into a bottle and she throws it into
the crowd on the bus and it is caught by a girl in the back)
ADAM:
- That girl was hot.
BARRY:
- She's my cousin!
ADAM==
- She is?
BARRY:
- Yes, we're all cousins.
ADAM:
- Right. You're right.
TOUR GUIDE:
- At Honex, we constantly strive
 :
to improve every aspect
of bee existence.
 :
These bees are stress-testing
a new helmet technology.
(The bus passes by a Bee wearing a helmet who is being smashed into the
ground with fly-swatters, newspapers and boots. He lifts a thumbs up but
you can hear him groan)
 :
ADAM==

- What do you think he makes?
BARRY:
- Not enough.
TOUR GUIDE:
Here we have our latest advancement,
the Krelman.
(They pass by a turning wheel with Bees standing on pegs, who are each
wearing a finger-shaped hat)
Barry:
- Wow, What does that do?
TOUR GUIDE:
- Catches that little strand of honey
 :
that hangs after you pour it.
Saves us millions.
ADAM:
(Intrigued)
Can anyone work on the Krelman?
TOUR GUIDE:
Of course. Most bee jobs are
small ones.
But bees know that every small job,
if it's done well, means a lot.
 :
But choose carefully
 :
because you'll stay in the job
you pick for the rest of your life.
(Everyone claps except for Barry)
BARRY:
The same job the rest of your life?
I didn't know that.
ADAM:

What's the difference?
TOUR GUIDE:
You'll be happy to know that bees,
as a species, haven't had one day off
 :
in 27 million years.
BARRY:
(Upset)
So you'll just work us to death?
 :
We'll sure try.
(Everyone on the bus laughs except Barry. Barry and Adam are walking back
home together)
ADAM:
Wow! That blew my mind!
BARRY:
"What's the difference?"
How can you say that?
 :
One job forever?
That's an insane choice to have to make.
ADAM:
I'm relieved. Now we only have
to make one decision in life.
BARRY:
But, Adam, how could they
never have told us that?
ADAM:
Why would you question anything?
We're bees.
 :
We're the most perfectly
functioning society on Earth.

BARRY:
You ever think maybe things
work a little too well here?
ADAM:
Like what? Give me one example.
(Barry and Adam stop walking and it is revealed to the audience that
hundreds of cars are speeding by and narrowly missing them in perfect
unison)
BARRY:
I don't know. But you know
what I'm talking about.
ANNOUNCER:
Please clear the gate.
Royal Nectar Force on approach.
BARRY:
Wait a second. Check it out.
(The Pollen jocks fly in, circle around and landing in line)
 :
- Hey, those are Pollen Jocks!
ADAM:
- Wow.
 :
I've never seen them this close.
BARRY:
They know what it's like
outside the hive.
ADAM:
Yeah, but some don't come back.
GIRL BEES:
- Hey, Jocks!
- Hi, Jocks!
(The Pollen Jocks hook up their backpacks to machines that pump the nectar
to trucks, which drive away)

LOU LO DUVA:
You guys did great!
 :
You're monsters!
You're sky freaks!
I love it!
(Punching the Pollen Jocks in joy)
I love it!
ADAM:
- I wonder where they were.
BARRY:
- I don't know.
 :
Their day's not planned.
 :
Outside the hive, flying who knows
where, doing who knows what.
 :
You can't just decide to be a Pollen
Jock. You have to be bred for that.
ADAM==
Right.
(Barry and Adam are covered in some pollen that floated off of the Pollen
Jocks)
BARRY:
Look at that. That's more pollen
than you and I will see in a lifetime.
ADAM:
It's just a status symbol.
Bees make too much of it.
BARRY:
Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it
and the ladies see you wearing it.
(Barry waves at 2 girls standing a little away from them)

ADAM==
Those ladies?
Aren't they our cousins too?
BARRY:
Distant. Distant.
POLLEN JOCK #1:
Look at these two.
POLLEN JOCK #2:
- Couple of Hive Harrys.
POLLEN JOCK #1:
- Let's have fun with them.
GIRL BEE #1:
It must be dangerous
being a Pollen Jock.
BARRY:
Yeah. Once a bear pinned me
against a mushroom!
 :
He had a paw on my throat,
and with the other, he was slapping me!
(Slaps Adam with his hand to represent his scenario)
GIRL BEE #2:
- Oh, my!
BARRY:
- I never thought I'd knock him out.
GIRL BEE #1:
(Looking at Adam)
What were you doing during this?
ADAM:
Obviously I was trying to alert the authorities.
BARRY:
I can autograph that.

(The pollen jocks walk up to Barry and Adam, they pretend that Barry and
Adam really are pollen jocks.)
POLLEN JOCK #1:
A little gusty out there today,
wasn't it, comrades?
BARRY:
Yeah. Gusty.
POLLEN JOCK #1:
We're hitting a sunflower patch
six miles from here tomorrow.
BARRY:
- Six miles, huh?
ADAM:
- Barry!
POLLEN JOCK #2:
A puddle jump for us,
but maybe you're not up for it.
BARRY:
- Maybe I am.
ADAM:
- You are not!
POLLEN JOCK #1:
We're going 0900 at J-Gate.
 :
What do you think, buzzy-boy?
Are you bee enough?
BARRY:
I might be. It all depends
on what 0900 means.
(The scene cuts to Barry looking out on the hive-city from his balcony at
night)
MARTIN:

Hey, Honex!
BARRY:
Dad, you surprised me.
MARTIN:
You decide what you're interested in?
BARRY:
- Well, there's a lot of choices.
- But you only get one.
 :
Do you ever get bored
doing the same job every day?
MARTIN:
Son, let me tell you about stirring.
 :
You grab that stick, and you just
move it around, and you stir it around.
 :
You get yourself into a rhythm.
It's a beautiful thing.
BARRY:
You know, Dad,
the more I think about it,
 :
maybe the honey field
just isn't right for me.
MARTIN:
You were thinking of what,
making balloon animals?
 :
That's a bad job
for a guy with a stinger.
 :

Janet, your son's not sure
he wants to go into honey!
JANET:
- Barry, you are so funny sometimes.
BARRY:
- I'm not trying to be funny.
MARTIN:
You're not funny! You're going
into honey. Our son, the stirrer!
JANET:
- You're gonna be a stirrer?
BARRY:
- No one's listening to me!
MARTIN:
Wait till you see the sticks I have.
BARRY:
I could say anything right now.
I'm gonna get an ant tattoo!
(Barry's parents don't listen to him and continue to ramble on)
MARTIN:
Let's open some honey and celebrate!
BARRY:
Maybe I'll pierce my thorax.
Shave my antennae.
 :
Shack up with a grasshopper. Get
a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"!
JANET:
I'm so proud.
(The scene cuts to Barry and Adam waiting in line to get a job)
ADAM:
- We're starting work today!

BARRY:
- Today's the day.
ADAM:
Come on! All the good jobs
will be gone.
BARRY:
Yeah, right.
JOB LISTER:
Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring,
stirrer, front desk, hair removal...
BEE IN FRONT OF LINE:
- Is it still available?
JOB LISTER:
- Hang on. Two left!
 :
One of them's yours! Congratulations!
Step to the side.
ADAM:
- What'd you get?
BEE IN FRONT OF LINE:
- Picking crud out. Stellar!
(He walks away)
ADAM:
Wow!
JOB LISTER:
Couple of newbies?
ADAM:
Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready!
JOB LISTER:
Make your choice.
(Adam and Barry look up at the job board. There are hundreds of constantly
changing panels that contain available or unavailable jobs. It looks very
confusing)

ADAM:
- You want to go first?
BARRY:
- No, you go.
ADAM:
Oh, my. What's available?
JOB LISTER:
Restroom attendant's open,
not for the reason you think.
ADAM:
- Any chance of getting the Krelman?
JOB LISTER:
- Sure, you're on.
(Puts the Krelman finger-hat on Adam's head)
(Suddenly the sign for Krelman closes out)
 :
I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out.
(Takes Adam's hat off)
Wax monkey's always open.
ADAM:
The Krelman opened up again.
 :
What happened?
JOB LISTER:
A bee died. Makes an opening. See?
He's dead. Another dead one.
 :
Deady. Deadified. Two more dead.
 :
Dead from the neck up.
Dead from the neck down. That's life!

ADAM:
Oh, this is so hard!
(Barry remembers what the Pollen Jock offered him and he flies off)
Heating, cooling,
stunt bee, pourer, stirrer,
 :
humming, inspector number seven,
lint coordinator, stripe supervisor,
 :
mite wrangler. Barry, what
do you think I should... Barry?
(Adam turns around and sees Barry flying away)
 :
Barry!
POLLEN JOCK:
All right, we've got the sunflower patch
in quadrant nine...
ADAM:
(Through phone)
What happened to you?
Where are you?
BARRY:
- I'm going out.
ADAM:
- Out? Out where?
BARRY:
- Out there.
ADAM:
- Oh, no!
BARRY:
I have to, before I go
to work for the rest of my life.
ADAM:

You're gonna die! You're crazy!
(Barry hangs up)
Hello?
POLLEN JOCK #2:
Another call coming in.
 :
If anyone's feeling brave,
there's a Korean deli on 83rd
 :
that gets their roses today.
BARRY:
Hey, guys.
POLLEN JOCK #1 ==
- Look at that.
POLLEN JOCK #2:
- Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday?
LOU LO DUVA:
Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted.
POLLEN JOCK #1:
It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up.
(Puts hand on Barry's shoulder)
LOU LO DUVA:
(To Barry) Really? Feeling lucky, are you?
BEE WITH CLIPBOARD:
(To Barry) Sign here, here. Just initial that.
 :
- Thank you.
LOU LO DUVA:
- OK.
 :
You got a rain advisory today,
 :

and as you all know,
bees cannot fly in rain.
 :
So be careful. As always,
watch your brooms,
 :
hockey sticks, dogs,
birds, bears and bats.
 :
Also, I got a couple of reports
of root beer being poured on us.
 :
Murphy's in a home because of it,
babbling like a cicada!
BARRY:
- That's awful.
LOU LO DUVA:
(Still talking through megaphone)
- And a reminder for you rookies,
 :
bee law number one,
absolutely no talking to humans!
 :
All right, launch positions!
POLLEN JOCKS:
(The Pollen Jocks run into formation)
 :
Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz,
buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz!
LOU LU DUVA:
Black and yellow!
POLLEN JOCKS:

Hello!
POLLEN JOCK #1:
(To Barry)You ready for this, hot shot?
BARRY:
Yeah. Yeah, bring it on.
POLLEN JOCK's:
Wind, check.
 :
- Antennae, check.
- Nectar pack, check.
 :
- Wings, check.
- Stinger, check.
BARRY:
Scared out of my shorts, check.
LOU LO DUVA:
OK, ladies,
 :
let's move it out!
 :
Pound those petunias,
you striped stem-suckers!
 :
All of you, drain those flowers!
(The pollen jocks fly out of the hive)
BARRY:
Wow! I'm out!
 :
I can't believe I'm out!
 :
So blue.

 :
I feel so fast and free!
 :
Box kite!
(Barry flies through the kite)
 :
Wow!
 :
Flowers!
(A pollen jock puts on some high tech goggles that shows flowers similar to
heat sink goggles.)
POLLEN JOCK:
This is Blue Leader.
We have roses visual.
 :
Bring it around 30 degrees and hold.
 :
Roses!
POLLEN JOCK #1:
30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around.
 :
Stand to the side, kid.
It's got a bit of a kick.
(The pollen jock fires a high-tech gun at the flower, shooting tubes that
suck up the nectar from the flower and collects it into a pouch on the gun)
BARRY:
That is one nectar collector!
POLLEN JOCK #1==
- Ever see pollination up close?
BARRY:
- No, sir.
POLLEN JOCK #1:

(Barry and the Pollen jock fly over the field, the pollen jock sprinkles
pollen as he goes)
 :
I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it
over here. Maybe a dash over there,
 :
a pinch on that one.
See that? It's a little bit of magic.
BARRY:
That's amazing. Why do we do that?
POLLEN JOCK #1:
That's pollen power. More pollen, more
flowers, more nectar, more honey for us.
BARRY:
Cool.
POLLEN JOCK #1:
I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow.
could be daisies. Don't we need those?
POLLEN JOCK #2:
Copy that visual.
 :
Wait. One of these flowers
seems to be on the move.
POLLEN JOCK #1:
Say again? You're reporting
a moving flower?
POLLEN JOCK #2:
Affirmative.
(The Pollen jocks land near the "flowers" which, to the audience are
obviously just tennis balls)
KEN:
(In the distance) That was on the line!

POLLEN JOCK #1:
This is the coolest. What is it?
POLLEN JOCK #2:
I don't know, but I'm loving this color.
 :
It smells good.
Not like a flower, but I like it.
POLLEN JOCK #1:
Yeah, fuzzy.
(Sticks his hand on the ball but it gets stuck)
POLLEN JOCK #3==
Chemical-y.
(The pollen jock finally gets his hand free from the tennis ball)
POLLEN JOCK #1:
Careful, guys. It's a little grabby.
(The pollen jocks turn around and see Barry lying his entire body on top of
one of the tennis balls)
POLLEN JOCK #2:
My sweet lord of bees!
POLLEN JOCK #3:
Candy-brain, get off there!
POLLEN JOCK #1:
(Pointing upwards)
Problem!
(A human hand reaches down and grabs the tennis ball that Barry is stuck
to)
BARRY:
- Guys!
POLLEN JOCK #2:
- This could be bad.
POLLEN JOCK #3:
Affirmative.
(Vanessa Bloome starts bouncing the tennis ball, not knowing Barry is stick
to it)

BARRY==
Very close.
 :
Gonna hurt.
 :
Mama's little boy.
(Barry is being hit back and forth by two humans playing tennis. He is
still stuck to the ball)
POLLEN JOCK #1:
You are way out of position, rookie!
KEN:
Coming in at you like a MISSILE!
(Barry flies past the pollen jocks, still stuck to the ball)
BARRY:
(In slow motion)
Help me!
POLLEN JOCK #2:
I don't think these are flowers.
POLLEN JOCK #3:
- Should we tell him?
POLLEN JOCK #1:
- I think he knows.
BARRY:
What is this?!
KEN:
Match point!
 :
You can start packing up, honey,
because you're about to EAT IT!
(A pollen jock coughs which confused Ken and he hits the ball the wrong way
with Barry stuck to it and it goes flying into the city)
BARRY:

Yowser!
(Barry bounces around town and gets stuck in the engine of a car. He flies
into the air conditioner and sees a bug that was frozen in there)
BARRY:
Ew, gross.
(The man driving the car turns on the air conditioner which blows Barry
into the car)
GIRL IN CAR:
There's a bee in the car!
 :
- Do something!
DAD DRIVING CAR:
- I'm driving!
BABY GIRL:
(Waving at Barry)
- Hi, bee.
(Barry smiles and waves at the baby girl)
GUY IN BACK OF CAR:
- He's back here!
 :
He's going to sting me!
GIRL IN CAR:
Nobody move. If you don't move,
he won't sting you. Freeze!
(Barry freezes as well, hovering in the middle of the car)
 :
GRANDMA IN CAR==
He blinked!
(The grandma whips out some bee-spray and sprays everywhere in the car,
climbing into the front seat, still trying to spray Barry)
GIRL IN CAR:
Spray him, Granny!
DAD DRIVING THE CAR:
What are you doing?!
(Barry escapes the car through the air conditioner and is flying high above

the ground, safe.)
BARRY:
Wow... the tension level
out here is unbelievable.
(Barry sees that storm clouds are gathering and he can see rain clouds
moving into this direction)
 :
I gotta get home.
 :
Can't fly in rain.
 :
Can't fly in rain.
(A rain drop hits Barry and one of his wings is damaged)
 :
Can't fly in rain.
(A second rain drop hits Barry again and he spirals downwards)
Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down!
(WW2 plane sound effects are played as he plummets, and he crash-lands on a
plant inside an apartment near the window)
VANESSA BLOOME:
Ken, could you close
the window please?
KEN==
Hey, check out my new resume.
I made it into a fold-out brochure.
 :
You see?
(Folds brochure resume out)
Folds out.
(Ken closes the window, trapping Barry inside)
BARRY:
Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this.
(Barry tries to fly away but smashes into the window and falls again)
 :
What was that?

(Barry keeps trying to fly out the window but he keeps being knocked back
because the window is closed)
Maybe this time. This time. This time.
This time! This time! This...
 :
Drapes!
(Barry taps the glass. He doesn't understand what it is)
That is diabolical.
KEN:
It's fantastic. It's got all my special
skills, even my top-ten favorite movies.
ANDY:
What's number one? Star Wars?
KEN:
Nah, I don't go for that...
(Ken makes finger guns and makes "pew pew pew" sounds and then stops)
 :
...kind of stuff.
BARRY:
No wonder we shouldn't talk to them.
They're out of their minds.
KEN:
When I leave a job interview, they're
flabbergasted, can't believe what I say.
BARRY:
(Looking at the light on the ceiling)
There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out.
(Starts flying towards the lightbulb)
 :
I don't remember the sun
having a big 75 on it.
(Barry hits the lightbulb and falls into the dip on the table that the
humans are sitting at)
KEN:

I predicted global warming.
 :
I could feel it getting hotter.
At first I thought it was just me.
(Andy dips a chip into the bowl and scoops up some dip with Barry on it and
is about to put it in his mouth)
 :
Wait! Stop! Bee!
(Andy drops the chip with Barry in fear and backs away. All the humans
freak out)
 :
Stand back. These are winter boots.
(Ken has winter boots on his hands and he is about to smash the bee but
Vanessa saves him last second)
VANESSA:
Wait!
 :
Don't kill him!
(Vanessa puts Barry in a glass to protect him)
KEN:
You know I'm allergic to them!
This thing could kill me!
VANESSA:
Why does his life have
less value than yours?
KEN:
Why does his life have any less value
than mine? Is that your statement?
VANESSA:
I'm just saying all life has value. You
don't know what he's capable of feeling.
(Vanessa picks up Ken's brochure and puts it under the glass so she can
carry Barry back to the window. Barry looks at Vanessa in amazement)
KEN:

My brochure!
VANESSA:
There you go, little guy.
(Vanessa opens the window and lets Barry out but Barry stays back and is
still shocked that a human saved his life)
KEN:
I'm not scared of him.
It's an allergic thing.
VANESSA:
Put that on your resume brochure.
KEN:
My whole face could puff up.
ANDY:
Make it one of your special skills.
KEN:
Knocking someone out
is also a special skill.
(Ken walks to the door)
Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks.
 :
- Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night?
VANESSA:
- Sure, Ken. You know, whatever.
 :
(Vanessa tries to close door)
KEN==
- You could put carob chips on there.
VANESSA:
- Bye.
(Closes door but Ken opens it again)
KEN:
- Supposed to be less calories.

VANESSA:
- Bye.
(Closes door)
(Fast forward to the next day, Barry is still inside the house. He flies
into the kitchen where Vanessa is doing dishes)
BARRY==
(Talking to himself)
I gotta say something.
 :
She saved my life.
I gotta say something.
 :
All right, here it goes.
(Turns back)
Nah.
 :
What would I say?
 :
I could really get in trouble.
 :
It's a bee law.
You're not supposed to talk to a human.
 :
I can't believe I'm doing this.
 :
I've got to.
(Barry disguises himself as a character on a food can as Vanessa walks by
again)
 :
Oh, I can't do it. Come on!
 :
No. Yes. No.
 :
Do it. I can't.

 :
How should I start it?
(Barry strikes a pose and wiggles his eyebrows)
"You like jazz?"
No, that's no good.
(Vanessa is about to walk past Barry)
Here she comes! Speak, you fool!
 :
...Hi!
(Vanessa gasps and drops the dishes in fright and notices Barry on the
counter)
 :
I'm sorry.
VANESSA:
- You're talking.
BARRY:
- Yes, I know.
VANESSA:
(Pointing at Barry)
You're talking!
BARRY:
I'm so sorry.
VANESSA:
No, it's OK. It's fine.
I know I'm dreaming.
 :
But I don't recall going to bed.
BARRY:
Well, I'm sure this
is very disconcerting.
VANESSA:
This is a bit of a surprise to me.
I mean, you're a bee!

BARRY:
I am. And I'm not supposed
to be doing this,
(Pointing to the living room where Ken tried to kill him last night)
but they were all trying to kill me.
 :
And if it wasn't for you...
 :
I had to thank you.
It's just how I was raised.
(Vanessa stabs her hand with a fork to test whether she's dreaming or not)
 :
That was a little weird.
VANESSA:
- I'm talking with a bee.
BARRY:
- Yeah.
VANESSA:
I'm talking to a bee.
And the bee is talking to me!
BARRY:
I just want to say I'm grateful.
I'll leave now.
(Barry turns to leave)
VANESSA:
- Wait! How did you learn to do that?
BARRY:
(Flying back)
- What?
VANESSA:
The talking...thing.
BARRY:

Same way you did, I guess.
"Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up.
VANESSA:
- That's very funny.
BARRY:
- Yeah.
 :
Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh,
we'd cry with what we have to deal with.
 :
Anyway...
VANESSA:
Can I...
 :
...get you something?
BARRY:
- Like what?
VANESSA:
I don't know. I mean...
I don't know. Coffee?
BARRY:
I don't want to put you out.
VANESSA:
It's no trouble. It takes two minutes.
 :
- It's just coffee.
BARRY:
- I hate to impose.
(Vanessa starts making coffee)
VANESSA:
- Don't be ridiculous!

BARRY:
- Actually, I would love a cup.
VANESSA:
Hey, you want rum cake?
BARRY:
- I shouldn't.
VANESSA:
- Have some.
BARRY:
- No, I can't.
VANESSA:
- Come on!
BARRY:
I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms.
VANESSA:
- Where?
BARRY:
- These stripes don't help.
VANESSA:
You look great!
BARRY:
I don't know if you know
anything about fashion.
 :
Are you all right?
VANESSA:
(Pouring coffee on the floor and missing the cup completely)
No.
(Flash forward in time. Barry and Vanessa are sitting together at a table
on top of the apartment building drinking coffee)

 :
BARRY==
He's making the tie in the cab
as they're flying up Madison.
 :
He finally gets there.
 :
He runs up the steps into the church.
The wedding is on.
 :
And he says, "Watermelon?
I thought you said Guatemalan.
 :
Why would I marry a watermelon?"
(Barry laughs but Vanessa looks confused)
VANESSA:
Is that a bee joke?
BARRY:
That's the kind of stuff we do.
VANESSA:
Yeah, different.
 :
So, what are you gonna do, Barry?
(Barry stands on top of a sugar cube floating in his coffee and paddles it
around with a straw like it's a gondola)
BARRY:
About work? I don't know.
 :
I want to do my part for the hive,
but I can't do it the way they want.
VANESSA:
I know how you feel.

BARRY:
- You do?
VANESSA:
- Sure.
 :
My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or
a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist.
BARRY:
- Really?
VANESSA:
- My only interest is flowers.
BARRY:
Our new queen was just elected
with that same campaign slogan.
 :
Anyway, if you look...
(Barry points to a tree in the middle of Central Park)
 :
There's my hive right there. See it?
VANESSA:
You're in Sheep Meadow!
BARRY:
Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond!
VANESSA:
No way! I know that area.
I lost a toe ring there once.
BARRY:
- Why do girls put rings on their toes?
VANESSA:
- Why not?
BARRY:

- It's like putting a hat on your knee.
VANESSA:
- Maybe I'll try that.
(A custodian installing a lightbulb looks over at them but to his
perspective it looks like Vanessa is talking to a cup of coffee on the
table)
CUSTODIAN:
- You all right, ma'am?
VANESSA:
- Oh, yeah. Fine.
 :
Just having two cups of coffee!
BARRY:
Anyway, this has been great.
Thanks for the coffee.
VANESSA==
Yeah, it's no trouble.
BARRY:
Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did,
I'd be up the rest of my life.
(Barry points towards the rum cake)
 :
Can I take a piece of this with me?
VANESSA:
Sure! Here, have a crumb.
(Vanessa hands Barry a crumb but it is still pretty big for Barry)
BARRY:
- Thanks!
VANESSA:
- Yeah.
BARRY:
All right. Well, then...
I guess I'll see you around.

 :
Or not.
VANESSA:
OK, Barry...
BARRY:
And thank you
so much again... for before.
VANESSA:
Oh, that? That was nothing.
BARRY:
Well, not nothing, but... Anyway...
(Vanessa and Barry hold hands, but Vanessa has to hold out a finger because
her hands is to big and Barry holds that)
(The custodian looks over again and it appears Vanessa is laughing at her
coffee again. The lightbulb that he was screwing in sparks and he falls off
the ladder)
(Fast forward in time and we see two Bee Scientists testing out a parachute
in a Honex wind tunnel)
BEE SCIENTIST #1:
This can't possibly work.
BEE SCIENTIST #2:
He's all set to go.
We may as well try it.
 :
OK, Dave, pull the chute.
(Dave pulls the chute and the wind slams him against the wall and he falls
on his face.The camera pans over and we see Barry and Adam walking
together)
ADAM:
- Sounds amazing.
BARRY:
- It was amazing!
 :
It was the scariest,
happiest moment of my life.

ADAM:
Humans! I can't believe
you were with humans!
 :
Giant, scary humans!
What were they like?
BARRY:
Huge and crazy. They talk crazy.
 :
They eat crazy giant things.
They drive crazy.
ADAM:
- Do they try and kill you, like on TV?
BARRY:
- Some of them. But some of them don't.
ADAM:
- How'd you get back?
BARRY:
- Poodle.
ADAM:
You did it, and I'm glad. You saw
whatever you wanted to see.
 :
You had your "experience." Now you
can pick out your job and be normal.
BARRY:
- Well...
ADAM:
- Well?
BARRY:
Well, I met someone.

ADAM:
You did? Was she Bee-ish?
 :
- A wasp?! Your parents will kill you!
BARRY:
- No, no, no, not a wasp.
ADAM:
- Spider?
BARRY:
- I'm not attracted to spiders.
 :
I know, for everyone else, it's the hottest thing,
with the eight legs and all.
 :
I can't get by that face.
ADAM:
So who is she?
BARRY:
She's... human.
ADAM:
No, no. That's a bee law.
You wouldn't break a bee law.
BARRY:
- Her name's Vanessa.
(Adam puts his head in his hands)
ADAM:
- Oh, boy.
BARRY==
She's so nice. And she's a florist!
ADAM:
Oh, no! You're dating a human florist!

BARRY:
We're not dating.
ADAM:
You're flying outside the hive, talking
to humans that attack our homes
 :
with power washers and M-80s!
That's one-eighth a stick of dynamite!
BARRY:
She saved my life!
And she understands me.
ADAM:
This is over!
BARRY:
Eat this.
(Barry gives Adam a piece of the crumb that he got from Vanessa. Adam eats
it)
ADAM:
(Adam's tone changes)
This is not over! What was that?
BARRY:
- They call it a crumb.
ADAM:
- It was so stingin' stripey!
BARRY:
And that's not what they eat.
That's what falls off what they eat!
 :
- You know what a Cinnabon is?
ADAM:
- No.
(Adam opens a door behind him and he pulls Barry in)

BARRY:
It's bread and cinnamon and frosting.
ADAM:
Be quiet!
BARRY:
They heat it up...
ADAM:
Sit down!
(Adam forces Barry to sit down)
BARRY:
(Still rambling about Cinnabons)
...really hot!
(Adam grabs Barry by the shoulders)
ADAM:
- Listen to me!
 :
We are not them! We're us.
There's us and there's them!
BARRY==
Yes, but who can deny
the heart that is yearning?
ADAM:
There's no yearning.
Stop yearning. Listen to me!
 :
You have got to start
- What'd you say, Hal?
CO-PILOT HAL:
- Nothing.
(Scott notices Barry and freaks out)
CAPTAIN SCOTT:
Bee!
BARRY:
No,no,no, Don't freak out! My entire species...
(Captain Scott gets out of his seat and tries to suck Barry into a handheld
vacuum)
HAL:
(To Scott)
What are you doing?
(Barry lands on Hals hair but Scott sees him. He tries to suck up Barry but
instead he sucks up Hals toupee)
CAPTAIN SCOTT:
Uh-oh.
BARRY:
- Wait a minute! I'm an attorney!

HAL:
(Hal doesn't know Barry is on his head)
- Who's an attorney?
CAPTAIN SCOTT:
Don't move.
(Scott hits Hal in the face with the vacuum in an attempt to hit Barry. Hal
is knocked out and he falls on the life raft button which launches an
infalatable boat into Scott, who gets knocked out and falls to the floor.
They are both uncounscious.)
BARRY:
(To himself)
Oh, Barry.
BARRY:
(On intercom, with a Southern accent)
Good afternoon, passengers.
This is your captain.
 :
Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B
please report to the cockpit?
(Vanessa looks confused)
(Normal accent)
...And please hurry!
(Vanessa opens the door and sees the life raft and the uncounscious pilots)
VANESSA:
What happened here?
BARRY:
I tried to talk to them, but
then there was a DustBuster,
a toupee, a life raft exploded.
 :
Now one's bald, one's in a boat,
and they're both unconscious!
VANESSA:
...Is that another bee joke?
BARRY:

- No!
 :
No one's flying the plane!
BUD DITCHWATER:
(Through radio on plane)
This is JFK control tower, Flight 356.
What's your status?
VANESSA:
This is Vanessa Bloome.
I'm a florist from New York.
BUD:
Where's the pilot?
VANESSA:
He's unconscious,
and so is the copilot.
BUD:
Not good. Does anyone onboard
have flight experience?
BARRY:
As a matter of fact, there is.
BUD:
- Who's that?
BARRY:
- Barry Benson.
BUD:
From the honey trial?! Oh, great.
BARRY:
Vanessa, this is nothing more
than a big metal bee.
 :
It's got giant wings, huge engines.

VANESSA:
I can't fly a plane.
BARRY:
- Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot?
VANESSA:
- Yes.
BARRY:
How hard could it be?
(Vanessa sits down and flies for a little bit but we see lightning clouds
outside the window)
VANESSA:
Wait, Barry!
We're headed into some lightning.
(An ominous lightning storm looms in front of the plane)
(We are now watching the Bee News)
BOB BUMBLE:
This is Bob Bumble. We have some
late-breaking news from JFK Airport,
 :
where a suspenseful scene
is developing.
 :
Barry Benson,
fresh from his legal victory...
ADAM:
That's Barry!
BOB BUMBLE:
...is attempting to land a plane,
loaded with people, flowers
 :
and an incapacitated flight crew.
JANET, MARTIN, UNCLE CAR AND ADAM:
Flowers?!
(The scene switches to the human news)

REPORTER:
(Talking with Bob Bumble)
We have a storm in the area
and two individuals at the controls
 :
with absolutely no flight experience.
BOB BUMBLE:
Just a minute.
There's a bee on that plane.
BUD:
I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson
and his no-account compadres.
 :
They've done enough damage.
REPORTER:
But isn't he your only hope?
BUD:
Technically, a bee
shouldn't be able to fly at all.
 :
Their wings are too small...
BARRY:
(Through radio)
Haven't we heard this a million times?
 :
"The surface area of the wings
and body mass make no sense."...
BOB BUMBLE:
- Get this on the air!
BEE:
- Got it.

BEE NEWS CREW:
- Stand by.
BEE NEWS CREW:
- We're going live!
BARRY:
(Through radio on TV)
...The way we work may be a mystery to you.
 :
Making honey takes a lot of bees
doing a lot of small jobs.
 :
But let me tell you about a small job.
 :
If you do it well,
it makes a big difference.
 :
More than we realized.
To us, to everyone.
 :
That's why I want to get bees
back to working together.
 :
That's the bee way!
We're not made of Jell-O.
 :
We get behind a fellow.
 :
- Black and yellow!
BEES:
- Hello!
(The scene switches and Barry is teaching Vanessa how to fly)
BARRY:

Left, right, down, hover.
VANESSA:
- Hover?
BARRY:
- Forget hover.
VANESSA:
This isn't so hard.
(Pretending to honk the horn)
Beep-beep! Beep-beep!
(A Lightning bolt hits the plane and autopilot turns off)
Barry, what happened?!
BARRY:
Wait, I think we were
on autopilot the whole time.
VANESSA:
- That may have been helping me.
BARRY:
- And now we're not!
VANESSA:
So it turns out I cannot fly a plane.
(The plane plummets but we see Lou Lu Duva and the Pollen Jocks, along with
multiple other bees flying towards the plane)
Lou Lu DUva:
All of you, let's get
behind this fellow! Move it out!
 :
Move out!
(The scene switches back to Vanessa and Barry in the plane)
BARRY:
Our only chance is if I do what I'd do,
you copy me with the wings of the plane!
(Barry sticks out his arms like an airplane and flys in front of Vanessa's
face)

VANESSA:
Don't have to yell.
BARRY:
I'm not yelling!
We're in a lot of trouble.
VANESSA:
It's very hard to concentrate
with that panicky tone in your voice!
BARRY:
It's not a tone. I'm panicking!
VANESSA:
I can't do this!
(Barry slaps Vanessa)
BARRY:
Vanessa, pull yourself together.
You have to snap out of it!
VANESSA:
(Slaps Barry)
You snap out of it.
BARRY:
(Slaps Vanessa)
 :
You snap out of it.
VANESSA:
- You snap out of it!
BARRY:
- You snap out of it!
(We see that all the Pollen Jocks are flying under the plane)
VANESSA:
- You snap out of it!
BARRY:
- You snap out of it!

VANESSA:
- You snap out of it!
BARRY:
- You snap out of it!
VANESSA:
- Hold it!
BARRY:
- Why? Come on, it's my turn.
VANESSA:
How is the plane flying?
(The plane is now safely flying)
VANESSA:
I don't know.
(Barry's antennae rings like a phone. Barry picks up)
BARRY:
Hello?
LOU LU DUVA:
(Through "phone")
Benson, got any flowers
for a happy occasion in there?
(All of the Pollen Jocks are carrying the plane)
BARRY:
The Pollen Jocks!
 :
They do get behind a fellow.
LOU LU DUVA:
- Black and yellow.
POLLEN JOCKS:
- Hello.
LOU LU DUVA:
All right, let's drop this tin can

on the blacktop.
BARRY:
Where? I can't see anything. Can you?
VANESSA:
No, nothing. It's all cloudy.
 :
Come on. You got to think bee, Barry.
BARRY:
- Thinking bee.
- Thinking bee.
(On the runway there are millions of bees laying on their backs)
BEES:
Thinking bee!
Thinking bee! Thinking bee!
BARRY:
Wait a minute.
I think I'm feeling something.
VANESSA:
- What?
BARRY:
- I don't know. It's strong, pulling me.
 :
Like a 27-million-year-old instinct.
 :
Bring the nose down.
BEES:
Thinking bee!
Thinking bee! Thinking bee!
CONTROL TOWER OPERATOR:
- What in the world is on the tarmac?
BUD:
- Get some lights on that!

(It is revealed that all the bees are organized into a giant pulsating
flower formation)
BEES:
Thinking bee!
Thinking bee! Thinking bee!
BARRY:
- Vanessa, aim for the flower.
VANESSA:
- OK.
BARRY:
Out the engines. We're going in
on bee power. Ready, boys?
LOU LU DUVA:
Affirmative!
BARRY:
Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it.
 :
Land on that flower!
 :
Ready? Full reverse!
 :
Spin it around!
(The plane's nose is pointed at a flower painted on a nearby plane)
- Not that flower! The other one!
VANESSA:
- Which one?
BARRY:
- That flower.
(The plane is now pointed at a fat guy in a flowered shirt. He freaks out
and tries to take a picture of the plane)
VANESSA:
- I'm aiming at the flower!

BARRY:
That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt.
I mean the giant pulsating flower
made of millions of bees!
(The plane hovers over the bee-flower)
 :
Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up.
 :
Rotate around it.
VANESSA:
- This is insane, Barry!
BARRY:
- This's the only way I know how to fly.
BUD:
Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane
flying in an insect-like pattern?
(The plane is unrealistically hovering and spinning over the bee-flower)
BARRY:
Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid.
Smell it. Full reverse!
 :
Just drop it. Be a part of it.
 :
Aim for the center!
 :
Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman!
 :
Come on, already.
(The bees scatter and the plane safely lands)
VANESSA:
Barry, we did it!
You taught me how to fly!

BARRY:
- Yes!
(Vanessa is about to high-five Barry)
No high-five!
VANESSA:
- Right.
ADAM:
Barry, it worked!
Did you see the giant flower?
BARRY:
What giant flower? Where? Of course
I saw the flower! That was genius!
ADAM:
- Thank you.
BARRY:
- But we're not done yet.
 :
Listen, everyone!
 :
This runway is covered
with the last pollen
 :
from the last flowers
available anywhere on Earth.
 :
That means this is our last chance.
 :
We're the only ones who make honey,
pollinate flowers and dress like this.
 :
If we're gonna survive as a species,
this is our moment! What do you say?

 :
Are we going to be bees, or just
Museum of Natural History keychains?
BEES:
We're bees!
BEE WHO LIKES KEYCHAINS:
Keychain!
BARRY:
Then follow me! Except Keychain.
POLLEN JOCK #1:
Hold on, Barry. Here.
 :
You've earned this.
BARRY:
Yeah!
 :
I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect
fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves.
(The Pollen Jocks throw Barry a nectar-collecting gun. Barry catches it)
Oh, yeah.
JANET:
That's our Barry.
(Barry and the Pollen Jocks get pollen from the flowers on the plane)
(Flash forward in time and the Pollen Jocks are flying over NYC)
 :
(Barry pollinates the flowers in Vanessa's shop and then heads to Central
Park)
BOY IN PARK:
Mom! The bees are back!
ADAM:
(Putting on his Krelman hat)
If anybody needs

to make a call, now's the time.
 :
I got a feeling we'll be
working late tonight!
(The bee honey factories are back up and running)
(Meanwhile at Vanessa's shop)
VANESSA:
(To customer)
Here's your change. Have a great
afternoon! Can I help who's next?
 :
Would you like some honey with that?
It is bee-approved. Don't forget these.
(There is a room in the shop where Barry does legal work for other animals.
He is currently talking with a Cow)
COW:
Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me.
And I don't see a nickel!
 :
Sometimes I just feel
like a piece of meat!
BARRY:
I had no idea.
VANESSA:
Barry, I'm sorry.
Have you got a moment?
BARRY:
Would you excuse me?
My mosquito associate will help you.
MOOSEBLOOD:
Sorry I'm late.
COW:
He's a lawyer too?

MOOSEBLOOD:
Ma'am, I was already a blood-sucking parasite.
All I needed was a briefcase.
VANESSA:
Have a great afternoon!
 :
Barry, I just got this huge tulip order,
and I can't get them anywhere.
BARRY:
No problem, Vannie.
Just leave it to me.
VANESSA:
You're a lifesaver, Barry.
Can I help who's next?
BARRY:
All right, scramble, jocks!
It's time to fly.
VANESSA:
Thank you, Barry!
(Ken walks by on the sidewalk and sees the "bee-approved honey" in
Vanessa's shop)
KEN:
That bee is living my life!!
ANDY:
Let it go, Kenny.
KEN:
- When will this nightmare end?!
ANDY:
- Let it all go.
BARRY:
- Beautiful day to fly.
POLLEN JOCK:

- Sure is.
BARRY:
Between you and me,
I was dying to get out of that office.
(Barry recreates the scene near the beginning of the movie where he flies
through the box kite. The movie fades to black and the credits being)
[--after credits; No scene can be seen but the characters can be heard
talking over the credits--]
You have got
to start thinking bee, my friend!
 :
- Thinking bee!
- Me?
BARRY:
(Talking over singer)
Hold it. Let's just stop
for a second. Hold it.
 :
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone.
Can we stop here?
SINGER:
Oh, BarryBARRY:
I'm not making a major life decision
during a production number!
SINGER:
All right. Take ten, everybody.
Wrap it up, guys.
BARRY:
I had virtually no rehearsal for that.